In The Dark
by Dream-Silver-Haze
Summary: After the euphoria of saving the world wears off our heroes are just people trying to find their way out of the dark and back into the light. In the months that follow the extravagant parties six teenagers try to find their place in the world they saved.
1. Nightmares

Swirling darkness, it was all around her suffocating her, smothering her senses, charring her alive. Was it smoke? She couldn't breath. She couldn't see anything except those eyes burning into her very soul. A laugh cut across the silence and echoed around the darkness. Suddenly she could see her whole face, a distorted smile plastered on it. Then the witch's entire body appeared. "Look, look at what you have done," her voice echoed maniacally.

Rinoa tried to closer her eyes but the images would appear behind her lids as well she knew this yet she had to try. "No, no I didn't do this!" She screamed. "You did this."

"Who's body is that? Who surrendered her mind?"

"I didn't know, I didn't know what was happening and you lied to me," she whispered.

"You were weak. You are weak. You couldn't even fight me for your family. You are pitiful, lowly, disgusting."

"No, No, No, NO, NO, NO!"

"Rinoa, RINOA! Wake up!" Someone was shaking her she realized vaguely. The room was still dark but the darkness now was not so absolute. "Rinoa are you alright? Are you hurt? What happened?"

Rinoa moved to face the origin of the voice as if she'd only just realized it was there, which was mostly true. "Squall?" she whispered into the dark.

"Yes, it's me," he answered. "What happened?"

"It was… a nightmare," her voice sounded unsure and had a far off quality to it as if she was talking to him from the other side of a telephone.

"What was in the nightmare? Can you tell me?" She stared at him blankly. It had been a week since that night on the balcony where he had kissed her, where they were still heroes and the glory of their triumph was still fresh in their minds. A week since the nightmares had started. She had told no one. In truth she believed some of what she was told in these nightmares. The guilt was all hers. It had been her who had destroyed much of Esthar, who had killed innocent people by allowing the lunar cry flow down so freely and she was the one who released Adel…

"But I didn't do it. You made me. You did it!" She screamed.

"Rinoa? I didn't make you do anything. What did I do?" Squall asked confused by her sudden outburst.

"Squall?" she asked again as if she had forgotten he was there.

"Yes, Rinoa. The dream what was it?"

"It was her…"

"Who?"

"Don't make me say her name. That witch. She made me do it. It wasn't me Squall. I would never…. You know I would never…"

"Rinoa, it's okay. No one blames you," Squall answered finally understanding the problem.

She stared up into his eyes pleadingly. He tried to smile back at her to calm her but his face didn't seem to want to obey him. Suddenly she sprang at him barring her face in his chest. "Squall can I please sleep with you?" her voice was muffled from her proximity.

He didn't know what to say, so instead he wrapped his arms around her hoping she would understand that he was there for her. "Rin, I-I don't know if…" she pulled away to look him in the face again. Her eyes were watery and she looked so desperate. "Sure, Rin you can stay with me tonight," He said with a real smile.

"Thank you," she whispered standing slipping her hand into his. He went ridged for a moment from the foreign contact. She looked at him expectantly. He slipped off of the bed and led her across to the door, into the hallway and across to his room.

She immediately went to the bed and settled down on her chosen side. The light stayed on at her request that he left it on until she fell asleep. It didn't take long for her to be sleeping peacefully, but he left the light on longer. He had leaned against his desk watching over her as she fell into slumber thinking about her fragile state of mind when he awoke her from the nightmare. She seemed terrified to the point that she was acting almost like a child. Rinoa what is it you saw? He asked himself silently. He knew it must have been her, after all she had possessed Rinoa, forced her to do things she would have never done on her own. It was amazing that it hadn't taken affect on her before.

He took one last look at Rinoa. Peaceful, he thought. Then he turned the light off and laid down beside her making sure there was a little gap between them.

* * *

I know the summary was kind of weird, but this will be a linear story and it will all be part of the same story not a series of one shots. So this is chapter one and just fair warning there will be some weird pairings along with cannon and this story focuses on friendships as well not just romantic relationships. Also you can expect Seifer to show up sometime too. It's going to get interesting. Well I would appreciate reviews if you wouldn't mind. Of course if you don't feel like it deserves a review you could tell me why please? that would help too. Also if there is a pairing you are just dying to see if you tell me I might make it fit into the story so let me know.


	2. Distance

Rinoa opened her eyes. The window blinds were open and the light was concentrated on her face. The heat on her face had forced her into consciousness. She blinked, momentarily lost to the knowledge of her surroundings. _Squall…_ she thought as the memories of the night before rushed into her mind.

Sitting up she turned to look beside her. His side of the bed was empty. She hadn't really expected him to still be there.

She exhaled deeply and then stretched her arms and legs. It had been the best night sleep she had had in a long time. No nightmares just a long dreamless uneventful sleep. She lifted her hand to feel her hair. _A tangled mess… perhaps it's better Squall isn't here._ With another sigh she got out of the bed and gently pulled the covers back, smoothing out the wrinkles with her hand. When she was satisfied with her work she looked the room over taking inventory. Squall's gunblade was gone, which meant he must be training. Then she caught sight of the clock: 11:38. No wonder he was gone.

With a last look of longing she left the room, to return to her own.

Zell sat at one of the generic cafeteria tables picking through a tray full of what was supposedly lasagna. There were no hot dogs today, but there seldom were when he came to the cafeteria. Perhaps the cafeteria ladies liked to put the daily cherry on the top of the pile of crap that was his life.

Save the world and what do you get but a pile of useless dreams for leftovers. At least when he was fighting he had a reason to get up every morning, now all he had was daily reminders that after that battle was over he had nothing. His _friends_ were all to wrapped up in life to even notice how secluded they had all become. It had only been a few weeks since the defeat of Ultimecia, only one since the final celebratory ball, but it had happened that fast.

Disappointed didn't even begin to cover it. He thought that what they had done was special, that all of them were always going to be close, a family even. But Squall was as self absorbed as ever and Rinoa follows him like a shadow wordlessly nearly as lost as him. Selphie and Irvine had hooked up shortly after time compression and haven't seemed to have gotten over the honeymoon stage yet. Quistis' instructors license had been reinstated but with it came her old seclusion. Even now she sat at a table across the cafeteria completely alone. She had walked past Zell without even noticing.

Zell watched her over his lasagna. In truth he hadn't even been hungry, he had come to lunch as he had every day this week hoping that one of the other five or maybe even two or three or all of them would join him but so far nothing.

Quistis rose grabbing her finished tray and walked robotically to the stack of dirty trays setting it down and then walked out the doors of the cafeteria without making any eye contact with anyone. Zell sighed. During their journey and especially after it seemed that Quistis and him self were somewhat of the fifth wheels of the group. After all Irvine and Selphie had hooked up and Squall and Rinoa were together or at least everyone thought they were, so Zell had hoped that maybe him and Quistis would get closer. Not even as lovers, though honestly the thought had crossed his mind, but as friends. However after that last party he hadn't even said more than a few hellos to her. She was always busy or off in her own world. He vaguely wondered if it had anything to do with Squall and Rinoa.

Suddenly a tray slapped down onto the table next to him. "Hey Zell, " Rinoa said softly.

"Oh hey. Have a seat," he said removing his book out of the chair and placing it on the table. She sat down and started to dig into her food without another word. "Hmm hey where's Squall?" he asked trying to make small talk and he was genuinely curious usually she hardly ever let him out of her sight.

"I think he's at the training center," she replied between bites.

"Woah, slow down the foods not going anywhere," he said trying to slow the steady stream of food she was shoveling into her mouth. "Did you guys get in a fight or something?" she stopped eating and set her fork down. Her head fell into her hands. "H-hey it's okay we don't have to talk about it, Rin, but if you want to I'm – I'm here for you kay?"

She didn't say anything for a moment then she lifted her head to look at him, "It's not that. We aren't fighting. It's just that…" she paused again as if searching for the right words. "I just don't know anymore Zell…"

"Don't know what?"

She looked at him her eyes wide and sad trying to convey something that Zell didn't understand. She stood and picked up her tray. "Never—nevermind," she said, "Well I'll see you later Zell."

"Yeah, see you later," Zell answered dejectedly. _It's always later with you guys, never now, never have time for anyone. I could help you know, if you'd only let me try._ He added in his mind. She walked off just as Quistis had not looking anyone in the eyes. At least she had taken the time to sit with him, it was more than anyone else had.

"Yeah, family, sure," Zell said to no one in particular before he to picked up his tray and exited the cafeteria.

Well I know these chapters aren't very long but I'm not all that great at omnipresent pov so it gets kind of hard for me. Better than long chapters that go nowhere.

Anyways I know it's a bit depressing right now but it's going to pick up after I'm done developing the current situation and such. I'll try to update as much as possible but no promises and also you can still request pairings if you like. Well hope you enjoyed and if you did or even if you think it was crap please click that little button that says review and give me a piece of your mind. And thank you much for the encouragement thus far.


	3. The Things Not Said

Irvine approached the door in high spirits. True it had been a few weeks since he had any real quality time with Selphie, but tonight he had her all to himself and so it felt like nothing could get him down. Carefully he tucked the bouquet he held behind his back, making sure it wasn't visible, and then knocked on the door. After a few seconds of silence he knocked again more vigorously this time.

"Come in," Selphie's soprano voice responded. Irvine opened the door with his free hand and walked in. Selphie was scrambling around the room apparently searching for a shirt since she currently wasn't wearing one.

"Well Selphie this is a nice greeting. I got you something too," Irvine commented.

Selphie ignored his comment continuing her search for a top. "Don't just stand there help me find something presentable," she snapped.

Irvine frowned. "Selph you'll look beautiful in whatever you wear. Besides the whole object of this here date tonight is to eventually take off what you wear," he finished trying to lighten the mood.

Selphie stopped searching for the missing article of clothing and glared at Irvine. "Ha ha that's soo funny, Irvine. I'm not looking for a shirt for a date. I have an appointment with that man from Delings tonight. He's really interested in me for his modeling campaign, remember? Since I'm famous and good looking I'll bring in a lot of business."

Irvine felt his high spirits sink lower than his feet. They were floating around somewhere MD level. "Selph you never told me about this meeting. Can't you reschedule? We haven't gone out in ages and I haven't been seeing you much lately at all."

Selphie had resumed her hunt for a respectable shirt while Irvine had been talking. She had found a white button up and has started to put it on as she answered, "No way, Irvine this is way too big. It could boost my career, I could do something other than SeeD work."

Ever since the battle with Ultimecia, Selphie had been talking about leaving Garden. Suddenly she thought it was too dangerous and too political. After the battle had ended and Garden had resumed its normal activities she had had time to think, and to remember. The destruction of Tribia and their first mission when they had merrily been used as pawns and given a task no one had ever imagined they could live through, she realized how dispensable life was to this establishment and wanted out. Only she didn't have anything else to go to.

"Selph, you know it's going to be different. Cid is going to change the way things are done around here. He's going to make it better, make sure we are safer and we are fighting a good fight," Irvine pleaded. "You don't, you don't have to leave. We have a place here."

Selphie stared at him for a moment and a harsh silence fell over them. Finally she broke the silence, "I've got to go. I'm going to be late." Then she started for the door. Irvine removed his hand from behind his back holding the bouquet in front of the doorway. "These are for you," he said handing the flowers to her. She took them and then he turned and walked away before she had a chance to say anything. She'd already said what she wanted to say.

* * *

It had been two weeks since the night that Squall had found out about her nightmares. Each night after that she had tried to sleep on her own but soon she found that Squall was the only thing that could stop them, and so every night she would end up back in his room. He never objected but he seldom said anything at all.

The first night after Squall's discovery she tried to pretend it had been a one night occurrence and went to her room to sleep, but in the middle of the night she had woke up crying once more and then wondered across the hall to stand in his doorway tear stains shining on her cheeks. He hadn't said a word then but looked from her to the bed and so she went and laid down beside him.

And that was how it was every night after that, beginning with her trying to beat the nightmares on her own but always ending with her waking alone in his bedroom the next morning. He was never there when she woke and he never touched her when she was there. Not one caress, not one kiss since that night on the balcony.

She tried not to push him, she felt that when he was ready he would come to her and she found strength in the fact that he hadn't asked her to leave.

She felt most comfortable just lying next to him on his bed drifting off to sleep. To her it was the only safe place. In her room the nightmares would come and days at the Garden were often stressful. Though both Squall and Zell had told her often that no one was treating her any different she could feel it. Many of the other students and SeeDs were scared of her, of her power. Sometimes she felt like a tamed tiger, tame yet still mistrusted. She spent much time trying to think of ways to prove that she should not be feared.

She wanted to help and so when Cid offered her a position as a SeeD she took it. Many people had disagreed with this arrangement after all not only did she not have any formal training she was a sorceress, but Cid stood behind his decision one hundred percent stating that her hand in helping defeat Ultimecia was as good as any proof that she had what it takes to be a SeeD and that he would trust his own life to Rinoa because he knew that she would only kill to protect and to save which were the objects of Garden. To protect and save for a small fee of course. SeeDs were quickly becoming a jack of all trades, helping with the restoration of Tribia and Esthar as well as do rescue missions and the normal missions like before only now they were trained to save human lives, whenever possible to end conflicts without resorting to killing.

So Rinoa had become a SeeD using her powers for good. Healing wounded and helping in situations that called for a little something extra as well as provide support with battles. Many times her very present would make the other party leery of resorting to combat and so the situations would end without conflict. But so far none of it was enough, people still shied away and still kept their eyes glued to her as she passed fearing she may try something. She liked to think that things would get better with time that maybe three weeks simply wasn't enough. She also liked to think that one of these nights the nightmares would go away too, but thinking and believing are not always the same thing, and so each night she would always end up lying next to Squall in the dark and each morning she would wake up in the light alone.


	4. Where the Silence Rules

* * *

Okay I re-read this chapter and it had a lot of typos and other weirdness that seemed to leap off the page and scream fix me... so I tweaked it a bit. Next chapter will come sometime soon. I'll try to do it this weekend!

* * *

Quistis surveyed her class full of silent students. This was her domain she ruled this silence and she found a certain amount of comfort in that small fact, that she could demand for the quiet. At times she felt like that silence was the only thing she could control in her life.

She remembered the first day she had decided to keep quiet, to become queen of the silence, that day in Tribia so long ago. It had seemed so easy then to mask the truth in silence. The only thing that stood between was a simple sentence, a simple lie and she had said it right then and there knowing that after it was said that she could not go back to the truth that silence would then become her closest companion but she hadn't expected the darkness that would soon follow in its wake.

That afternoon they had spent rediscovering their childhood and renewing old ties. The lie was simple and was easy to slip in. She knew her feelings were obvious before and for a moment she was scared someone would catch on to the lie, none the less she had to try so she spoke up but not to loudly because it had to seem as if she was just understanding it for herself so she said it barely loud enough for them all to hear. "I must have confused my feelings for Squall. I thought it was love, but I just had the feelings of an older sister," and it was that easy. After that silence.

Of course she still talked, she had to or else she couldn't have stayed with them or have been any help, she just avoided the subject like the plague and she kept her true feelings to herself: the fiery passion that often took hold when he was in danger, the deep mistrust of Rinoa which sprang from jealousy and the horrible heartache that consumed her wretched being when she saw him with her, protecting her, talking to her, opening up to her. But she had made her choice that day in Tribia and soon the silence had pulled her so far down the pain had been replaced by the deep dull ache of empty darkness.

* * *

Irvine was slowly meandering to the quad lost in his thoughts. It had been five days since the canceled date night. He hadn't actually seen Selphie since that night but yesterday she had called his cell phone and left a message thanking him for the flowers and apologizing for coping out on their date night. She hadn't said when she would see him again and for once Irvine was finally too tired to go after her. They had been playing this game for a few weeks now and it was getting old. She'd push him away and then he'd keep running after her until she gave in, but he was tired of that. It was her time to do the running.

As he walked through Garden he suddenly realized how preoccupied he'd been with his relationship with Selphie. When he looked around at the familiar faces of his fellow SeeDs and the younger students he saw small differences that he had somehow missed in the past few weeks. When was the last time he'd had a real conversation with anyone other than her?

A young boy in a white shirt and blue shorts came running up to Irvine with his hand forward signaling him to stop. Irvine complied as the boy stopped to catch his breath before addressing him. "Irvine, sir, uhhh, the- the headmaster sent me to find you. He told me to tell you to report to his office, sir," the boy said nervously.

Irvine smiled at the boy, "Thank you for coming to find me, and don't worry bout that whole sir thing, that just ain't me." The boy stood up a little straighter and nodded with a smile and then continued running around the rest of the Garden. Irvine headed for the elevator.

* * *

Just like every morning when she woke up he was already gone. She got up from the bed and went through her daily routine of making it and smoothing out the wrinkles. His gun blade was gone as always. He was one of two places either in the training center or on a mission. All of them had resumed missions the week after the celebrations but they were not given any missions that took more than a day. They were usually all back by dusk if they were dispatched, at the latest a few hours after dark.

If Squall was merely in the training center then he would show up for lunch and join Rinoa in silence for the meal and then spend the rest of the day with her just killing time watching movies, going to Balamb or just walking around but almost always without any talking. It was a routine they had fallen into and Rinoa found that lately she didn't need to talk much anyways just exist.

However if Squall was on a mission then Rinoa would sit by herself for her meal and then she would usually go to the library and read. Every mission that she had had thus far had been with Squall. If she was to go with him he would wait in the cafeteria for her and they would leave when she woke. She wondered why he didn't just wake her or even just wait for her in his room, but she decided it didn't really matter it was routine and it probably wouldn't change.

After making the bed Rinoa continued on with her daily rituals returning to her room for a shower and a change of clothes before heading down to the cafeteria. She picked up a tray and moved sluggishly through the line grabbing a plate of what was suppose to be meatloaf but looked more like a fake brain used as a prop in a horror film.

Squall didn't join her and so she concluded that he was on a mission. She stared blankly ahead as she ate half of the brainloaf, which was all she could stomach and then got up to leave when Xu approached her. "Rinoa, Cid needs to see you in his office as soon as possible. He has a mission for you." Rinoa nodded and then left without a word dispensing her tray as she left.

* * *

Cid sat behind slouched in his chair with his feet resting on his desk. He was contemplating his decision to send Rinoa on a mission without Squall. Would she be alright? He didn't think she would lose control of her power or anything of that sort, he was more or less worried about her emotional well being. Well it was too late now anyways. Besides it wasn't like he was sending her off on her own.

"Hey ya Cid," Irvine shouted a greeting announcing his arrival.

Cid scrambled to get his feet off his desk and straighten his posture to look more like the professional he was, "Irvine, good to see you. It's been a while hasn't it? Xu's been in charge of all your briefings lately, but good to see you," Cid greeted him back.

"So what's this mission about? Somethin' real important since you sent for me and this seems real formal compared to our usual briefings," Irvine asked curiously.

"Well it's not too difficult, it's just that this is your partners first time working without Squall." Cid replied.

"Huh? You putting me with Rinoa?"

As if on cue Rinoa entered the office just as her name was being said. She paid no attention to it but instead turned to Cid with wide eyes, "You are sending me on a mission without Squall?" Her voice sounded uncomfortable.

"Yes dear," Cid replied wearily. "But don't worry you aren't going all alone. I'm sending Irvine with you."

Rinoa appeared very upset. She was nearly shaking and her skin seemed extra pale. "Do you think it is safe to send me without him?" she asked in a whisper.

Cid stood and walked over to put his hands on her shoulder. Smiling warmly he answered, "Riona if I didn't think it was safe would I be risking it?" She didn't answer but she did seem visibly relieved a bit. "You'll do fine. I have complete faith in you."

Irvine, who up until this point had been silently watching the exchange, decided to move the briefing along, "So Sir, what is the mission?"

"Ah yes the mission. Well as you might already know currently there is a minute dispute between Dollet and Galbadia about a border boundary line. Right now we have many SeeDs in the service of Dollet trying to resolve the conflict peacefully. That is where Squall, Selphie and Zell are currently." He paused for a moment as if to let them absorb the information and then countinued. "However an important Duke in Dollet, Robert Shola, has reported his two children missing. There are rumors around Dollet that the children were kidnapped by the Galbadian soldiers for leverage. Mr. Shola has contacted me asking for help locating his children. He is involved with the conflict and is trying to solve it peacefully. He has informed me that his children were last known to be exploring in the woods around Dollet's capital. He does not think that they were kidnapped. He has no time or resources to search for his children so he has hired SeeD to find them as soon as possible to bring them home safe and reduce the pressures on the building conflicts," Cid concluded.

"So we're suppose to find the kids?" Irvine asked.

"Precisely," Cid replied.

* * *

Well I'm holding up 15 credits and two part time jobs and still finding time to write. It is amazing! Lol Well anyways I hope you enjoyed it. It might be a few days before the next update. Sorry about the weird ending place but I'll make it up to you in the next chapter. Thanks for reading and the lovely reviews!


	5. Friends

"He didn't tell me he'd be gone longer than a day," Rinoa whispered so quietly Irvine wasn't sure if he was suppose to hear it at all so he pretend he hadn't. That was probably for the best since he didn't know what to say to comfort her without resorting to a lie. Still she looked so sad, he wished there was something he could say or do.

Rinoa ambled forward onto the train with an uncharacteristic air of gloom. Irvine followed after feeling quite awkward, true he wasn't in the best of moods considering the state of his relationship with Selphie but he wasn't one to dwell on the negative. He wasn't sure what he could do to pull Rinoa out of her depressed state. Not to mention he had no idea to what her and Squall's relationship was like or if it even truly existed.

He sighed heavily. _How sad I don't even know if Squall and Rinoa are really a couple. _He wondered why he had never taken the time to ask how they were and if they were happy. He had been to wrapped up in his own life and relationship. He resolved to spend more time with his friends starting now.

"Rinoa, you should cheer up girl. You know how I hate to see a girl sad," Irvine said with a small wink as they entered the SeeD car. She smiled weakly in response. "Oh come on that the best you got? Give me a real smile, like this," he finished by demonstrating a cheesy smile in which all of his teeth were showing and his lips were curled.

He must have looked quite funny because Rinoa started laughing so hard she had to sit down on the couch before she fell to the floor. "Irvine, you should see your face when you do that," she managed to choke out between fits of laughter.

"Oh come on it wasn't that funny!" he replied. She stopped laughing and looked at him for a second before they both broke out into more fits of laughter. After a few minutes of insane giggling, Irvine spoke again, "Well at least it got you to finally laugh."

Riona became serious once more her smile traded in for a look of solemn despair. "Yeah guess it's been a while," she replied.

Irvine moved to sit next to her on the couch. "It's okay to laugh once in a while, even if maybe things aren't going all that great. Sometimes laughing's all you got."

Rinoa smiled. "Maybe… yeah. You're right. Thanks Irvine."

"Hey what are friends for?" Irvine replied. She already looked a little cheerier.

"Hyne how long has it been since we really talked Irvine?" She asked.

"A while." He replied.

"Well how are things with you and Selphie?"

"I'd like to say fine…" he paused. "How are things with you and Squall?"

"I'd like to say fine too…" They exchanged hesitant glances as if pleading to each other that they'd rather not discuss that topic. After another pause Rinoa changed the subject. "Well I guess the vacation time is over. We're going back to regular missions now."

"Yeah guess they figured a month was enough and now we're going to have to be regular SeeDs again and actually go out on full missions. No promise of a warm bed every night anymore."

For the rest of the trip they spoke mostly of previous missions and memories from that glory week after the defeat of Ultimecia. Neither of them brought up the subject of the relationships again. Both felt relieved to have something different to concentrate on for a while.

Squall leaned against the side of the Dollet hotel with his hand over his eyes. He approved of the changes that Cid had incorporated into Garden in an effort to minimize death but honestly right now he felt he'd rather just fight and get it over with. It had only been a few hours but already he could tell that the 'negotiations' weren't going anywhere. His head was pounding. Why did this have to be the first serious mission back?

Zell walked out of the hotel grumbling to himself, "Galbadian bastards, like they _need_ more territory. Dollet is small enough as it is." He spotted Squall leaning against the wall and headed toward him, "Hey Squall, doesn't this whole thing just piss you off?" Squall removed his hand from his face to look at Zell but said nothing. "Can't believe this is our first real mission back and we get stuck in debate." Once again Squall said nothing, but Zell was damned if he was going to let Squall stay mute so he asked another question, "So how come Rinoa's not with us?"

A tinge of guilt ran through Squall. He hadn't even told her that he wasn't going to be back that night. He had asked Cid if Rinoa could be assigned to the mission with them but Cid said he'd rather not send Rinoa to a negotiation where Galbadia was involved. After that he left with Zell and Selphie without so much as a good bye to Rinoa. He didn't know why, he just couldn't bring himself to go to her and tell her he wouldn't be there for that night and the next and maybe many more depending on how the negotiations went.

"Hello? Squall? You there man?" Zell asked bring him back to the present.

"Cid said it wasn't a good idea to bring Rinoa to a negotiation with Galbadia, because they are still worried about the Sorceress and would interpret her presence as a threat."

"Oh," Zell replied not sure what else to say. He noticed that Squall hadn't referred to Rinoa as the sorceress but instead addressed them as if they were two different people instead of one in the same. He wasn't sure what that meant, and he wasn't about to ask. He considered it a small victory that he had gotten Squall to say anything at all.

Selphie came trudging out of the hotel stomping her feet as if she was really ticked off, but she was like that a lot now. Zell wondered if it had anything to do with her and Irvine, but once again decided it was better not to ask.

"There you are. Hurry up you are holding up the meeting. Break time is over," she announced when she caught sight of Zell and Squall standing by the back wall of the hotel. Her voice had a harsh quality to it that had never been there before. _Man Selphie's really changed._ Zell thought to himself.

When they didn't move she called out again, "Did you hear me or are you deaf? Let's go."

Zell started towards the door and Squall followed after neither wanting to piss Selphie off anymore than she already was. "We're coming Selphie so don't freak." Zell replied as they made their way to the door. Selphie glared at him then turned and headed back into the hotel. _I liked the other Selphie better. _Zell thought to himself as he caught the door in her wake and followed her inside.


	6. Jobs To Do

Warm sunshine greeted Rinoa and Irvine as they stepped off the train in Dollet. It was a glorious day with clear blue skies and Rinoa nearly skipped forward as they headed toward the Dollet hotel as Cid had instructed. They were to ask for Robert Shola at the desk as soon as they arrived in Dollet so he could give them more precise information about the mission.

Rinoa knew that she should pull her mind back to the mission ahead of them but she felt better than she had in ages and the sunshine was so inviting. So she trotted along with her arms spread out toward the sun as if to absorb as much of its rays as possible.

"You seem happier," Irvine noted.

She turned around to face him smiling like the Rinoa he knew. He suddenly realized that he had missed her smile just as he missed Selphie's. _Why? Why do I have to miss smiles that should have never left? Why are we all like this? So lost…_

"I don't know, I guess just talking about the good times got me charged. I feel like I can take on anything right now."

"Well we've got two kids out there depending on that," Irvine answered. Rinoa nodded in agreement and stepped up her pace once more. _Maybe it won't be like this for much longer_. Irvine thought to himself as he had to rush to keep up with Rinoa's vigorous strides.

* * *

"Robert Shola," Rinoa repeated to the woman running the desk for the fifth time. "We are the SeeDs sent to help find his children."

"Yes, yes so you've told me, but like I told you he's in a very important meeting and I can't interrupt."

"He's expecting us," Rinoa countered.

Irvine stood toward the back of the room watching and waiting. He let Rinoa do the talking she was better at it than him and besides he had no true desire to be the leader in a situation such as this. True he is a 'people person' but some people, particularly people like this woman at the desk, he just can't handle, but Rinoa on the other hand seemed to have this skill or at least believed she did.

"Look they have a break in few minutes. I can go give him the message then but that is the best I can do," the woman replied finally giving into Rinoa's persistence.

"Thank you," Rinoa replied moving toward the back of the room to join Irvine.

After about five minutes or so the woman at the desk headed toward the hotel's large conference room. In another moment or so she returned with a man in an expensive suit following her. The man veered off from the path toward Irvine and Rinoa. "I am Robert Shola," he announced holding his hand out toward the two of them. After an awkward second Rinoa shook his hand. He scrunched his face up for a brief second as if surprised that Rinoa had been the one to shake his hand instead of Irvine but he shook his head and continued, "So you are the SeeDs sent to find my children?"

"Yes," Rinoa answered. "I am Rinoa Heartilly and this is my partner Irvine Kinneas."

Irvine nodded once as he was announced then straightened up once more.

"Very well," he said with a bit of a sigh, "My children went missing yesterday. They were playing in the forest up toward the Communication Tower. The area has been cleared of monsters for quite a while and they play up there often, but last night they didn't come home. We sent search parties, I was up all night myself searching, but unfortunately I have to come back to these negotiations," he said the word negotiation with a venomous tone as if he believed them to be anything but negotiations.

"So you didn't find any sign of them in the forest?" Irvine asked speaking for the first time since Robert had approached.

"No…" he replied with an exhausted voice, "Listen, I don't think Galbadia is behind it but I can't be sure. I don't want to make any accusations at this point," he grabbed Rinoa's arm suddenly, "Please just find them. I- I don't know what I would do without them."

The look in his eyes was heart wrenching. Rinoa was almost in tears just looking at his desperation.

"We are professionals," Irvine reassured him and he let his arm fall to his side.

He regained his composure quickly. Nodding he continued, "My oldest Bryan is armed with some simple spells just in case, but at this point I am more worried about the elements and terrain than monsters. Bryan is thirteen and his sister is nine. They have basic survival skills but nothing compared to what you're SeeD cadets have."

"We'll leave right away," Rinoa, said determination clearly present in her tone. "We'll be in contact with you. We have handheld transceivers. You can contact us when ever you need to and we'll inform you as soon as we find them."

"Thank you, so much, Rinoa, Irvine," he said nodding to each. "When you locate them please bring them straight here."

"Of course," Rinoa smiled. Robert smiled back weakly. Rinoa gave him a salute to ease his mind, as if to say 'Don't worry you're kids are in good hands', and then Irvine and herself hurried off toward the Dollet forest.

* * *

"Quistis, you know this is the last thing I want to do to you. You just got your license back, but test scores are dropping and many of your students are complaining that you aren't teaching, just assigning work and keeping the place silent."

Cid sat behind his desk, his eyes darting around the room anywhere but on hers. She knew she should say something, defend herself, but honestly she didn't feel like she deserved it. He spoke the truth; she wasn't doing her job. Once upon a time work and achievement had been everything to her, before _him_, before the darkness had become her only friend.

"Do you need more time off to get things in order? Or would you rather go back to field work?" She just stared blankly at him from across the desk. He sighed, "Quistis, you are unhappy." It wasn't a question it was a statement. He said it as if it were a fact everyone knew. Why then did no one try to change it? Why didn't anyone try to cheer her up? "What can I do to make you happier, Quistis? Person to person, I want to help if I can."

Quistis forced her face into a smile that even she could feel was pitiful. "I am fine," she promised getting to her feet, "I just needed a little time to get back into the routine of teaching. My performance will improve," she finished as she let herself out of his office.

"I hope so, Quistis, I hope so," Cid whispered to himself.

* * *

Woo two chapters in one weekend! Okay guys thanks so much for the reviews they make me want to write more! I love the encouragement and thank you for the thing about the comments. I didn't notice that, probably because I've been writing these really rushed and haven't proofed them all that greatly. Anyways I'm trying to hurry to the more interesting parts... well hope you enjoy!


	7. Reverance

Yes I know it's been a long time since I've updated! I've been busy with classes and work and such. Anyways I am still working on this story, it's just taking awhile. Hope you all are still reading!

* * *

The forest was old. Large trees with tangled branches and a fair amount of underbrush made it particularly tricky to navigate. It was late fall and most of the indigenous trees had already lost their leaves, exposing the twisted and gnarled branches. Earlier in the day the sun had been shining brightly upon Dollet, but now heavy dark clouds had rolled in covering the land in dimness. Overall the forest could be described as creepy. Despite it's horror movie landscape Irvine and Rinoa didn't encounter any monsters.

"This is almost eerie," Irvine confessed breaking the silence that had once again taken root as he and Rinoa had began the search for the two missing children.

"You mean the lack of monsters?" Rinoa responded.

"Yeah, haven't seen any since we got here, not even one."

"It is pretty creepy, but lets not question something good. If we haven't seen any than that means the kids probably haven't seen any either."

Suddenly a high-pitched scream reverberated through the forest and an indistinct figure hurled itself at Rinoa.

Rinoa echoed the scream as she was pushed to the ground by a hundred pounds of shocked child.

"Bryan?!" called a hysteric young voice from a tree. Irvine looked up lowering his gun, which he had instinctively drawn when he had heard the first scream. A petit blond girl sat on a branch desperately scanning the ground. "Bryan, are you hurt? Bryan, answer me!" she wailed.

"You are Brain I presume?" Rinoa asked as she pushed the boy off her chest, where he had awkwardly landed, face first and stood up.

"Ahh my arm!" he exclaimed moving his right hand to hold his left arm close to his body protectively.

"Bryan you are hurt!" the girl began to cry.

"Shhh don't worry my friend can fix his arm. Now why don't you come down here? We've come to take you back to your father," Irvine informed the girl while he put his weapon away.

She looked nervously at Bryan. "It's alright Charlotte. Come on down," he responded wincing.

As Charlotte found her way to the ground, Rinoa bent down to inspect Bryan's arm, "May I?" she asked. He nodded and Rinoa took his arm in her own hands. Feeling down deep inside herself, Rinoa brought up the silverish white light she had recognized as her own healing powers. She held her hand flat against the break in his arm and commanded the power from within her to return the bone to its proper state. "Feel better now? She asked dropping his arm and rising to her feet again.

Both Bryan and his sister, now with both feet safely on the ground, gazed at her in amazement. "Wow it's fixed!" Bryan announced joyously, bounding to his feet. Rinoa smiled, and Bryan blushed suddenly remembering how moments ago his face had been embedded between her breasts.

Irvine recognized the origin blush, even if Rinoa hadn't. Ah to be young and innocent. To save him from embarrassment he used the opportunity to ask some questions of a more appropriate nature. "Are you alright?"

"I am now. Thanks miss," Bryan said.

"No problem, it's my job," Rinoa answered with another smile.

"Are you a sorceress?" Charlotte asked in awe.

"Charlotte! Don't be so rude! Sorry miss, she didn't mean anything! Charlotte you should be more respectful to people who are helping us!" Bryan jumped in before either Rinoa or Irvine could respond.

"No it's fine," Rinoa assured him, "Yes, I am the Sorceress Rinoa, and this is Irvine. We are from SeeD and we've come to take you back home."

"Wow you are SeeDs?" Bryan asked in reverence.

"Yes we are," Irvine, answered him with a nod. "And we are on duty, so let's get going."

They began the trek back through the forest. Both of the children were still full of questions and comments.

"You are so pretty, Sorceress Rinoa. Are you a princess too?" Charlotte asked.

"No," Rinoa replied with a chuckle, "and you can just call me Rinoa." Charlotte's eyes went wide. It was a refreshing change however to be revered instead of feared.

"Do you train everyday?" Bryan asked Irvine.

"Nearly everyday." Irvine replied. This prompted many more questions from Bryan.

"Is he your knight?" Charlotte asked Rinoa as Bryan bombarded Irvine with more questions.

Rinoa looked down at Charlotte who had taken Rinoa's hand as they were walking and was now swing it gently with hers as if she was completely comfortable with touching a complete stranger. She relished the foreign feeling of human touch. "No, Irvine isn't my knight."

"Oh," Charlotte said sounding a bit confused. "Do you have a knight?" she asked instead.

How do you explain to a 9 year old that you aren't even sure of your relationship status? Rinoa asked herself. "I'm not sure, yet," she replied. This seemed to satisfy Charlotte's question. She just smiled and continued to swing their joined hands as they walked.

It was silent for a moment, and then Bryan asked Irvine, "Can I shoot your gun?"

"NO!" Both Rinoa and Irvine replied automatically.

* * *

Suggestions? Loved it? Hated it? Want more of it? You have the power to speak your mind. Just hit the review button! Thanks for reading!


	8. Thinking Without Speaking

Selphie was standing in the aisle on the train with her ear pressed against the cool glass pane and her eyes focused on the landscape flying past. The steady rhythm of the rain hitting the outside of the train reverberated through her as she tried the make sense of the muddled feelings swirling around inside. Currently relief and exhaustion were the most prominent of the torrent of emotions. The negotiations between Dollet and Galbadia had ended with a truce a few hours ago just as Irvine and Rinoa had returned with Shola's children. Rinoa holding the hand of the little girl and the little boy hoisted up on Irvine's shoulders. From the looks of them they looked more like a young family than, hired mercenaries escorting two lost children home. The fact that they could be so open and gentle with children somewhat mystified Selphie. After all they had been through, she felt uneasy with the idea of being responsible for others, one of the many reasons she had been looking for a way out of the SeeD life.

Sighing she removed her ear from the window and turned to just gaze at the passing scenery straight on. Irvine had been smiling, laughing, carefree. She struggled to think of the last time she had seen him that happy. It had been a while. It seemed every time they spent anytime together there was a shadow looming over.

At first it had been fun and whimsical. She had been swept away in the romance and the passion of the whole ordeal, and after the defeat of Ultimecia it had felt like anything was possible. Party after party and praise after praise until reality caught back up. The reality was that they were working for an organization that put very little importance on life. They killed for money and the sad part was it didn't matter who was killed as long as the money was secure. Garden had proved that when they had ordered a handful of newly appointed, inexperienced SeeDs to assonated the sorceress, because it was convenient.

Once the fantasy was over, Selphie realized she wanted out, but Irvine wanted to stay. Eventually one of them would have to make a sacrifice, that both were realizing, that neither was willing to make.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she stared out the window. Her eyes were open but she didn't see anything just the overwhelming darkness that seemed to always be there now, an inch or two away waiting for a chance to swallow her whole.

* * *

The room was uncomfortably silent. Rinoa was sitting on the sofa staring blankly ahead. Squall was on the other side slouching with his hand over his face. Zell was in the corner practicing some new moves on the surrounding air and Irvine was leaning against the wall opposite the sofa observing the rest of the room's occupants.

Selphie was out in the aisle as usual, most likely watching the landscape roll by and singing her train song. At least that is what Irvine wanted to believe she was doing. They still hadn't talked about their most recent fight and from what Zell had told him earlier as they were boarding the train Selphie wasn't being her usual self. 'Bitchy' had been the word Zell had used to describe her current attitude.

Irvine sighed. He knew it would be best to go out and talk to her about this whole mess, but he had had a wonderful day and didn't want to ruin it just yet with anything remotely serious or complicated. Smiling to himself he tipped his hat over his face. No need to worry right now, there'd be enough time for serious discussion later.

* * *

"Quistis, darling, you are unhappy," Edea's soft motherly voice cooed. Why did everyone keep saying that? She was quit aware that she wasn't happy. Quistis stared blankly ahead pretending that she hadn't heard the older woman's comment.

"Quistis?" Edea repeated when there was no reply.

Quistis sighed. "I'm fine, Matron, just a little tired," she replied stopping in front of an empty dorm room. "This will be your room," she added opening the door for Edea.

Edea smile weakly as she stepped past Quistis into the middle of the room. She turned to face Quistis. "It's splendid. Cid will be bringing my suitcase for me. " Edea walked over to the bed and sat down. "Come sit and talk a while, Quisty," she requested smoothing over the spot next to her on the bed.

"I'm sorry, Matron, but I have a lot of work to do, grading and things." Quistis answered leaning on the door slightly. "If you need anything don't hesitate to call. I'm sure Cid gave you my number."

Edea nodded as Quistis turned to leave. "You know I am here, Quisty."

"Good night, Matron," Quistis called over her shoulder as she closed the door.

* * *

"Man, I'm starving!" Zell announced in a loud boisterous voice. He ran ahead of the others with his arms above his head.

"Hope they are still serving food. I'm hungry too," Rinoa added cheerily. She was still in high spirits after her first successful mission without Squall. For the first time she actually felt like she had stood on her own two feet. She had to admit it was a good feeling.

Zell rushed back toward the group looping Rinoa's arm with his. "Come on Rin, let's go get some chow!" he exclaimed pulling her along. He couldn't remember the last time any of the others had been so open and cheerful and he wasn't about to waste her good mood.

Rinoa chuckled softly. "Okay, okay Zell, but I'm sure everyone else is hungry too." When no one answered Rinoa un-looped her arm from Zell's and turned to survey the other three. "Well?!"

Squall nodded silently in agreement. Irvine shuffled his feet nervously, while Selphie focused her eyes anywhere but on her friends. "Actually Rin, I think we are gonna skip dinner tonight," Irvine mumbled in a soft awkward tone.

"Huh? Whatever, man, more for me," Zell replied not quite catching the subtle sadness in Irvine's answer.

"Well we'll catch you later then," Rinoa answered attempted to give Irvine a reassuring smile. "Come on guys let's go," she finished looping arms with both Zell and Squall.

"Alright!? Let's get some grub!" Zell shouted exuberantly pulling a laughing Rinoa and a very stiff and awkward Squall toward the cafeteria leaving Selphie and Irvine in the empty parking garage.

They stood in silence in the dimly lit garage neither wanting to be the first to speak. Irvine sighed heavily leaning against the nearest pillar. Selphie stood with most of her weight on one leg, her eyes still darting around refusing to meet Irvine's. The silence pressed down around them making each moment more and more awkwardly painful.

Irvine had no idea how much time had passed but he could no longer stand the silence. "Well you want to talk about it?" he asked looking down at his feet instead of at Selphie.

"I don't know what you are talking about," Selphie replied turning her back to him.

Sighing again Irvine tried to further the conversation. "Something's wrong Selph. It's no use pretending everything's okay..." he trailed off.

"No," Selphie answered.

"Then why are you acting so—"

"I meant no, I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh…" Irvine replied not sure what else to say. The silence began to spread again but before it could dominate once more he added, "Well what do you want to do then?"

Selphie slipped up close to Irvine and slid her arms around him. "Let's just go to bed," she mumbled into his chest.

Irvine wrapped his arms around Selphie's slight form and bent down to kiss the top of her head. "Let's go," he whispered softly in her ear, slipping his hand into hers and leading her toward the dormitories.


	9. Speaking Without Thinking

"Wow, they really don't have much to choose from at night," Rinoa commented as she tried to decide between leftover brain-loaf or what looked suspiciously like small sea shells mixed with yellow industrial paint.

"Ahh food is food," Zell replied as he continued to stack anything within reach on to his tray. "You gonna take that?" he asked pointing to the brain-loaf.

"Go ahead and take it. I think I'll go with the paint and sea shells," Rinoa answered with a giggle.

"Rin, I think that's mac and cheese," Zell pointed out.

"Oh is that what it is. Thanks, I would have never guessed," Rinoa said rolling her eyes and giving Zell's shoulder a push.

"Yeah anytime," Zell retorted continuing the joke. "So where did commander apathetic go?"

Some of the light in Rinoa's eyes suddenly faded. "He already sat down," she replied solemnly.

Picking up on Rinoa's sudden mood change Zell set his tray down and turned to face his friend. "Rin, are you guys okay?" he asked sounding genuinely concerned.

Rinoa bit her lip as if debating on how to answer. Her eyes had a deep saddened look to them as she returned Zell's concerned look, " He didn't even tell me that he might be gone for more than a day," she answered, her shoulders slumping and her voice quite and shaky almost as if she were trying hard not to break into tears.

"Maybe it just slipped his mind, he was under a lot of pressure with this mission," Zell reassured her picking up his tray again. _Hyne Rin is this really beating you up this bad? _Zell wondered. "Come on let's go eat and you can talk to him after dinner," he added, hoping the prospect would restore her former cheer.

His endeavor was rewarded when a smile formed on her lips. "After you," she said tipping her head in the direction of Squall.

Despite nearly all the tables being open, due to the late hour, Squall had still chose the table furthest away from the entrance. He sat in the corner engaged in a staring contest with his food. He only looked up when Zell half set, half dropped his tray down on the table next to him. "Chow time!" Zell exclaimed pulling the chair to the left of Squall out and dropped down into the seat. Wasting no time, he began shoving a bit of everything on his tray into his mouth. Meanwhile Rinoa gently laid her tray on the table and sat down on Squall's other side with a timidness that was quite uncharacteristic of her. Squall said nothing just grabbed his spoon and began eating the food off his own tray.

Zell could feel the awkward silence beginning to settle again even though he was preoccupied by eating. _Ahh man, not again. Seriously everyone needs to just lighten the hell up!_ Swallowing his current mouthful of food he inhaled sharply in annoyance. With a glance at a fidgeting Rinoa he decided to break the silence, "So Squall, what's on your mind, man?" Squall looked up startled but only gave Zell a disinterested look. "Oh come on! You haven't said anything in hours."

Rinoa looked over to Squall holding her breath. Squall set down his spoon and laced his fingers together. After another moment of silence, in which he stared at Zell with what the others could only guess was confused annoyance written on his face, he said, "Anything."

Zell now found he was also holding his breath. Rinoa moved her eyes from Squall to Zell and Zell met her gaze and then suddenly the tension was broken and both Rinoa and Zell began to laugh uncontrollably. "Oh—wow—Squall actually has a sense of humor!" Zell gasped between fits of laughter.

Rinoa was just holding her sides trying to gain some sort of control over her laughing spasms. "Oh my Hyne, I can't breath!" she finally called out.

Squall didn't laugh but something dangerously close to a smile graced his features.

After Zell and Rinoa managed to get their laughter under control conversation began to flow more freely than it had in the past month. Rinoa recounted her mission with Irvine and the curious questions the kids bombarded them with, though she left out the question about her knight. Then Zell told her about the negotiations with Galbadia with Squall adding things he missed with occasional side comments. Then the discussion digressed to movies they had recently seen.

_Well this is more like it. Much better! _Zell thought. He sighed with contentment, glad that his friends had finally relaxed and opened up a bit. He could hardly remember the last time he'd had a decent conversation with anyone other than his mother or Anglo, who he seemed to be spending more and more time with lately. He had volunteered to take her to the training center with him for exercise but then he got use to having her around and began taking her other places as well when Rinoa was busy. He wasn't sure when he had gotten into the habit of talking to her.

"Quistis, over here," Rinoa called breaking Zell's train of thought. He looked up to see Quistis standing in the front of the cafeteria holding her tray and looking a bit lost as if she was scouting for a place to sit, even though nearly every table was empty.

After a hesitant second Quistis walked over to join the trio at the table taking the seat across from Squall.

"Hey Quisty how you been?" Zell asked moving his empty tray to make room for her full one.

"Fine," she replied refusing to look up from the table. Squall shifted uncomfortably. "Rinoa, headmaster Cid wants to see you. He said it was fine if you waited until tomorrow since it is so late. Also Edea is here."

"What? Matron is here? Well where is she and why is she staying here?" Zell exploded with excitement and curiosity.

"What does Cid want to see me about?" Rinoa asked at nearly the same time. Quistis opened her mouth slightly as if to answer but then blinked bemusedly. "Umm Zell first," Rinoa added courteously.

"Matron?" Zell asked again when Quistis failed to respond quick enough for his taste.

With an obscurely audible sigh, Quistis answered, "I don't know why the headmaster wants to see you. Matron is here under Garden's protection until her upcoming trail. Xu is helping her prepare her case. She will be staying here until the hearings start. She is in one of the guest sweets."

"Oh man they are seriously going to charge her? It wasn't her fault! That Ultimecia bitch is the one—" Zell's words were stopped by Squall's hand. Zell swallowed hard as he noticed, Rinoa's pale face. _Shit, idiot! You know she can't stand the name…_ Squall removed his hand and placed it back on the table. Quistis had taken the opportunity to steal a glance at him while he was preoccupied with Zell, but as he moved his hand back to the table his eyes had caught hers. She inhaled sharply and quickly moved her eyes to the floor.

"I-I… I need a shower," Rinoa announced picking up her tray and rushing off toward the exit.

The silence was excruciating. Zell wanted to break it but didn't know what to say.

Quistis rose to her feet. "I have to grade papers," she mumbled grabbing her tray and retreating to the exit.

Squall just looked at Zell, grabbed his tray and left, leaving him alone at the table. _And it was going so well…_ _Way to go Dintch. _Zell thought drooping his head down on the table.


	10. It's Hardest At Night

Irvine's breathing had finally slowed to a plodding rhythmic pattern and his arm had loosened the grasp around Selphie's waist. Gently she removed it and slipped off the bed, quietly tiptoeing out of the room.

The hallway was empty. Selphie sighed in relief and began the trip to her own room. Her heart was heavy. Memories of earlier that night replayed in her mind. He was trying, she had to give him that. In the parking garage he had offered to talk about their problems, but she had said no. Maybe she was scared that their relationship was too far-gone to save, or maybe she was just too tired to try. She wasn't quite sure anymore.

It was just easier to resort to a night of physically satisfying sex and then sneaking out once Irvine was asleep, but there was something missing that use to be there. How many nights had she left him lying there alone? It was quickly becoming a habit, one that left her disgusted with herself.

She reached her room. Not bothering to flick the light on or change her clothes she threw herself on her bed too disgusted to sleep and too empty to cry.

* * *

Rinoa glared down at her bed with her arms crossed. Today had been the first time she had really prove herself, shown that she was capable of succeeding on her own and she was damned if she was going to let a name stop her from enjoying her well earned sleep.

It was time to beat that sorceress bitch once and for all. It was time to beat the nightmares, and then maybe things with Squall would straighten out. Then perhaps the rumors and the whispers of doubt and incompetence would stop. Then maybe she could finally feel like the independent and strong person that she truly was.

"Tonight's the night," she assured a sleeping Anglo.

Clicking off the lights she snuggled into her bed determined to make it through this night on her own.

* * *

His light was still on and his door unlocked. Squall sat on his bed facing the door waiting, his back resting against the wall. She would come, she always came, but as the hours passed by he began to question their nightly ritual.

Maybe she was angry. He hadn't told her about the length of his mission. He hadn't been there when she was sent on hers. Was he supposed to have been there? No one had ever taught him anything about relationships especially romantic ones. How was he supposed to know what was expected? He was way over his head.

Finally his fatigue from the long day got the best of him and he slipped off into an uneasy slumber not even bothering to turn the light off.

* * *

Quistis walked quietly through the empty Quad. Nighttime was the only time she felt anywhere near okay. She was finding it much easier to be alone than to try to pretend in front of others. Crickets chirped and a cool breeze blew past her. No thoughts dominated her mind just an overall haze of being. Her skin felt slightly cold but she didn't shiver.

It was time to go back to her room and sleep. It was well into the early hours of the morning and she did have appearances to keep, classes to teach.

The halls of Garden were just as empty as the Quad, which suited Quistis just fine. She made her way to the dormitories slowly. No need to rush, she doubt she would fall asleep any time soon anyways.

A lone figure appeared in front of her, walking swiftly. One of the few overhanging lights illuminated her face briefly reveling and agitated Selphie. Quistis watched as she reached her destination and slipped into her room silently. It was a testament to how much Quistis had changed over the past few months that she detachedly observed one of her closes friend's misery with no intention of check up on her or even really worrying at all. Slowly she continued on her way to her own room.

"Quistis?!" A voice called out in the dim hallway. A gasp escaped her lips as she turned to find the owner. "What are you doing out so late, Professor?"

She quickly recognized the voice and with a small sigh she responded, "Shouldn't I ask the same thing to you, Zell?"

"Oh I'm always up this late. Well not _always_, but I train at night. Nobody there to bother me."

Trying to detract the attention from herself she replied, "You go alone? That is against Garden policy."

"Ehh when you kick evil sorceress ass you get perks like ignoring policy, you know Quisty. Anyways you didn't answer me, whatcha doing out her this late?"

She couldn't come up with an adequate excuse and decided on just telling him the truth, "I couldn't sleep." Well part of it anyways.

"Oh," Zell replied. He paused for a moment as if he were looking for the right thing to say, "Quistis, if something were wrong you'd tell me right? I mean if you were hurt or something…"

"Zell if I receive and injury then I'll consult doctor Kadowaki."

"That's not what I meant, Quisty," Zell said slightly put off. "I meant if you were… like emotionally… hurt or something like that," he finished awkwardly. Quistis swallowed and remained silent. "We're… I'm just worried about you Quistis. You just haven't seemed like yourself lately."

"Zell, I'm tired. I'm going to bed," she replied, trying to ignore the hurt in his voice.

Zell sighed and then smiled. "Well if you need to talk or something… I'm here for you," he paused briefly to look for her reaction. She didn't seem to move at all, but she seemed exhausted, beyond exhausted. "Well night then Quistis," he finished and then headed off toward his own room.

Quistis didn't move for a moment. Her eyes were locked on the spot where Zell had been standing, her mind working furiously trying to understand the sudden uprising of emotions assaulting her. "Good night, Zell," she whispered and then headed toward her room.

* * *

Okay readers sorry for the long delays but I'm busy you know with classes and work and more work and such. Anyways thank you for all of your support especially Rosa Heartlily who has been especially helpful with reviewing and constructive criticism. Thank you to everyone else who has read and reviewed. I hope you enjoy the story and I do intend to continue it, but no promises on when I will next update, hopefully soon.


	11. Return of the Prodigal Son

"Wake up!" Zell shouted obnoxiously as he dropped his tray noisily onto the table next to a sleeping Rinoa.

"Grahhha… hmm… I'm awake!" Rinoa jumped at the sound of the tray hitting the table an inch from her head.

"Don't look like it!" he replied sitting down behind his tray, hoping she wasn't still upset about last night. Rinoa wasn't one to hold on to things, unless she was really pissed.

Blinking awkwardly, Rinoa slowly looked around the cafeteria, as Zell began the act of eating, at least that is what he called it, observers would liken it more to a wrestling match of sorts than someone eating breakfast. "Oh I can't believe I fell asleep in the cafeteria… How embarrassing…" she mumbled slapping her hand on her forehead.

"Rough night?" Zell asked between gulps of liquid.

"Hmm," Rinoa nodded as she reached for her coffee. After a large gulp she continued, "Yeah I think I only got 3 hours of sleep, and now I've got to go meet with Cid."

"Waaat for?" Zell asked spraying the table with what looked like pieces of sponge. Rinoa's lip curled in disgust as she stared at Zell not knowing quite what to say.

"Wow, Zell that was disgusting," Xu announced. The two turned to acknowledge her arrival. "Well I was going to sit with you, but seeing as how the table is now covered in eggs…" she continued on, holding her tray steadily.

"Sorry," Zell replied, making sure to swallow before speaking.

"Ah it's okay, I promised Nida I'd sit with him anyways. But Rinoa I was suppose to remind you that Cid would like to meet with you today." She waited for Rinoa to nod before taking off toward Nida's table. "See you, guys later," she said with a smile.

"Later," Zell called after her, picking up a napkin and trying to wipe up some of the eggs he spit out on the table.

Rinoa watched him make a few useless swipes at the table with the napkin, before noticing Irvine standing at the front of the cafeteria, scanning the table. "Oh look there's Irvine," she said as she waved her hand to catch his attention. Her motion caught his eye; he smiled and headed toward their table.

"Hey Irvine, whasup?" Zell greeted him.

Irvine set his tray down on the table and took his seat, sighing. After a small pause he asked, "Have you guys seen Selphie at all this morning?"

"Nope, sorry man," Zell answered leaning back in his seat and stretching his arms behind his head. Irvine looked to Rinoa with a sad defeated look on his face. Rinoa shook her head solemnly.

"That's what I'd thought you'd say," Irvine replied picking up his spoon to scope up some of his breakfast and letting it slide back into the bowl. With a final sigh he forced his face into a smile and decided to change the subject. "So what are you all up to this mornin'?"

"I'm gonna go see Matron once I find out which room she's in!" Zell said unable to mask his excitement.

Irvine looked over to Rinoa who had been staring at him with an odd look on her face he couldn't quite place. When she noticed he was now looking at her she wrinkled her nose and then answered his question, "I am suppose to meet with Cid. I don't know what about. I thought if it was about yesterday's mission he would have called his both in."

"Actually I think Squall, already briefed Cid on your mission and ours," Zell added.

"Huh that is kinda weird," Irvine said with a shrug, "Well whatever it is hope it's good news."

"Oh, wow, actually I should probably get going. I didn't notice it was this late already," Rinoa announced as she got to her feet. "See you guys later."

The walk to Cid's office was quite uneventful, complete with a boring elevator ride. The doors opened to reveal a very bored looking secretary. She was leaning back in her chair behind her immaculately organized desk, attempting to balance a pen on her finger. After a few seconds the pen fell and she let out a quite curse.

Rinoa smiled. She felt like this was a moment she wasn't suppose to see, but all the same it was nice to know she wasn't the only person who resorted to odd behaviors when bored. Some of the days when Squall was on missions and she couldn't stand to watch anymore tv she would think of all kinds of odd things to do to keep the boredom at bay. Once she even made a fort out of her blankets. That thought brought on a bit of giggling as she laughed at how pathetic that made her sound, even in her own head.

"Oh! S-sorry, I didn't notice you there! Can I help you?" the secretary asked sounding both embarrassed and surprised.

"I'm suppose to meet with Cid this morning," Rinoa answered shaking away all silliness.

"Ms. Heartily?" Rinoa nodded. It seemed odd this woman didn't recognize her. "One moment please," the woman pleaded as she pressed the buttons to call the headmaster's extension, "I just transferred over here from Galbadia. It's my first day and I don't know where anything is or who anyone is!" she nervously explained.

_Well that explains why she didn't recognize me._ "Oh it's fine," Rinoa chirruped supportively. "Welcome to Balamb."

"Thank you!" the woman smiled. "Well the headmaster didn't pick up his phone. He may still be in a meeting. You can go ahead and wait in his office, it shouldn't be a problem," she added.

Rinoa nodded and then headed into the office. Cid's desk was as disorganized as usual. For a brief moment, Rinoa thought of organizing for him while she waited, but thought it may be unprofessional, so instead she just took a seat in the vacant visitor chair facing the front of the desk.

She idly tapped her fingers on the desk as the minutes ticked by, until she heard a click announcing the opening of the door.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," a haughty masculine voice called out.

Rinoa froze. The voice definitely didn't belong to Cid, but she still recognized it. She closed her eyes for a moment as memories assaulted her, both good and bad. Swallowing hard she turned to face the owner of the voice. "Seifer?!"


	12. Perfect Enemy

"Hey Rin," Seifer responded. His voice was quieter than normal and though he still had trademark his arrogant smile there was a darkness to his eyes that Rinoa didn't remember.

He took a tentative step forward and Rinoa instinctively rushed behind Cid's desk, positioning it between herself and Seifer. Her eyes were glued to him, but her mind was rushing to a million different places at once. Honestly she never thought she would see Seifer again; she wasn't even sure he was still alive. The realization hit her that life would have been much easier if he wasn't. That particular thought stung, as the memories of _that_ distant summer replaced her surprise.

"Rin, I- I don't know…" She flinched at his voice. Her eyes felt like they were going to be pushed out of her skull. Her heart was racing. Suddenly she was quiet aware of the fact that this was the first time she'd been alone with Seifer since that summer before… Before he became the Knight to the sorceress bitch that possessed her to try to control all of existence. Memories she didn't want to remember were now playing before her eyes and she felt powerless in their grasp. The feel of Seifer's hands grasping her arms right before he threw her to Adel. It felt so fucking real.

A high-pitched noise escaped her lips. It was Seifer's turn to flinch at the sheer terror of her cry. There was no trace of his smile left. "Rin?!" She just stared off into space with a horrified, haunted look. "RIN!" Seifer screamed rushing to the desk and snapping her out of her trance.

Air entered her lungs again. She hadn't even realized she'd stopped breathing. Was it real? Was any of this real?

There was Seifer standing on the other side of the desk, his face shrouded in concern. She had to know, that he was really there, that it wasn't just in her head. Shakily she lifted her hand and stroked his face. Suddenly she jumped backwards, "Y-You're really here!"

"Rin, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I just had to see you, had to tell you—"

"No! Stay away from me, just stay away."

He looked down, dejectedly, but Seifer was never one to give up especially when he fucked up and he had definitely fucked up this time. No question. "Rin," he began again, "I'll understand if you never wanna see me again, but please, please just let me explain, let me apologize."

Rinoa stared at him. She remained silent and Seifer took this as a cue to begin his speech," He walked into the middle of the room with his back to her. "I have no excuse for what I did to you. It happened because I'm weak, and I couldn't fight her. That sadistic bitch! She fucked with my head, I don't even know half the shit she made me do, but fuck, Rinoa I know what I did to you, she made me watch me do it. I was a prisoner in my own body. I couldn't stop it from… from hurting you…"

He turned to face her. He couldn't tell what the look on her face expressed, anger, fear, disgust? "I tried to fight her, but I wasn't strong enough. I don't deserve your forgiveness, Rin, but you deserved an explanation."

They stood in silence just staring at each other for a long time. It could have only been a minute but to Seifer it felt like years. He felt ashamed to look at her, he was so undeserving but couldn't bring himself to look away, wondering if it would be the last time he would ever see her.

A strangled sigh escaped her lips and she took a few shaky steps toward the edge of the desk, then stopped, supporting herself on the corner. He noticed a few stray tears on her cheeks. She took another long look into Seifer's face, then quietly she spoke, "I- I know what that… what she's capable of." Seifer's eyes met hers with a pleading, disbelieving look. "She was inside me, she made me do horrible things. She showed me what she could make me do… what she would make me do…" Rinoa shuddered and fell silent staring at the floor.

Seifer moved forward closing the gap and put his hands on her shoulders forcing her to look at him, "She can't do anything now. None of that was your fault. You were the victim here Rin."

Rinoa looked up at him with dull eyes, as if she were miles away and hadn't heard a word he'd said. "What happened to us Seifer?" She asked. "Why us? Why me?" She finished looking earnestly into his eyes.

He wished he had answers for her. He wished he could say something anything to give back her innocence. But he didn't have any more words to give her. He just stared back into her eyes hoping she could see her purity reflecting back from his. She looked utterly defeated, exhausted, devastated. If only he could see her smile the way she use to… Without realizing what he was doing he was leaning toward her and in a moment his lips were on hers. The soft familiar curves enticed him and he wrapped his arms around her leaning further in.

Rinoa couldn't think, couldn't breath. She couldn't believe what was happening, but her arms moved to their familiar place, her hands on his back. She leaned in automatically. So many emotions ran through her that her brain felt waterlogged. For many weeks she had been starving for any sort of intimate human contact, and some dying part of her needed this. But this was not what she wanted, not who she wanted. Or was it? Could she forgive him for what he had done? It wasn't all his fault, in fact most of it wasn't his fault. She knew how it felt to lose control of one's self. It was hard to imagine that this Seifer now gently holding caressing her as the same person who haunted the background of her nightmares. And what about Squall? What about Squall her mind threw back at her. For weeks now he hadn't made any moves, hadn't as much as told her he enjoyed her being around…

It was becoming impossible to think. The internal battle in her mind (and heart) was exhausting and it was so much easier just to let go, to forget.

Another memory intruded upon the moment. Seifer pushing her forward into Adel's waiting arms. It was so vivid, she jolted backwards away from him as a wave of nausea passed through her. "No," She announced, "no, it can't go back to that."

Seifer took a step back and lifted his hands in the air to show her she had the power. His eyes were downcast but he still raised them to meet hers once again, "Rin, I know I don't deserve you, but I can't lose you."

"No," was all she replied.

He nodded solemnly. "I'll, I'll wait for Cid outside," he said then he turned and walked out leaving Rinoa alone with her thoughts.

* * *

Intense chapter, ahh but it was amazing to write. So yes it's simply amazing that I have managed to do two chapters in one week but this scene was very vivid in my mind. I hope I didn't lose any fans with that. Not real sure how well it'll be received. Regardless the story must be told in all it's screwed up, confusing, angsty glory. Hope you liked it, and thank you so much for the reviews! Makes me want to write more!

Oh yes and as a note the title of this Chapter comes from the song Perfect Enemy by t.A.T.u. It was part of the inspiration for this chapter.


	13. The Escape Isn't Easy

The room seemed much too small. The walls were closing in; there were simply to many emotions surrounding her. It was hard to breath. Guilt, remorse, fear, anger, sadness, longing, confusion… Thoughts she didn't want to think. Emotions she couldn't handle all welling up in a chaotic frenzy.

She felt the itch of her wings under her skin, longing to break free. Flying away seemed like the easiest option.

Rinoa swallowed hard, shaking that thought. With a sharp intake of breath she mentally scolded herself: _Magic is not an escape. _ She took her seat once again.

The minutes ticked by, agonizingly long, until finally the door opened once again. Rinoa turned her head to see the new occupant, holding her breath. Cid walked swiftly to his desk, throwing a bursting file on his desk. Rinoa released the breath.

"I'm sorry to keep you waiting, Rinoa. I've been in meetings all day. There is a lot going on…" his gaze was fixed on the window. After a pause he turned to face Rinoa, and took his seat.

He looked tired, but still he smiled warmly at her. She tried to return the gesture, but feared her distress could be clearly seen in her attempt.

"Well," he began, "Edea is being put on trial." He peered at Rinoa, gauging her reaction. "She will be staying here at Garden before the trail. She is under our protection."

Rinoa nodded, to signify she was listening.

Cid gave her another kindly smile. "I've convinced the BEGU to pardon you, since you helped in taking the sorceress responsible for the most recent war out of power. Further more you are now a SeeD and out of their jurisdiction."

Rinoa nodded again, and Cid continued, "Xu is helping with prepare the defense for Edea's case. I am assigning you to be Edea's personal bodyguard during her time here at Garden, there shouldn't be any problems, this is more of a precaution than anything else." He paused for a moment, carefully choosing his next words, "Rinoa, there is a possibility that Xu will ask you to testify in the trail. Since you were also possessed by the sorceress, any information you could provide about her motives and the extent of her power to control others, would be vital to the defense of the case. I won't ask you to make a decision now. I encourage you to speak with Edea about this before making your decision."

"Yes, sir," Rinoa replied.

"Rinoa, you may call me Cid. I'm not very fond of sir." Rinoa smiled. "There is one more thing…"

"Yes," Rinoa answered with the sinking feeling she already knew what the other thing was, or who.

Cid sighed, and then replied, "Seifer is also on trail, and staying here under the Garden's protection. He is still technically a cadet and so my responsibility." He looked off toward the distance, "I don't expect you to have any interaction with him, unless you wish to."

_I've had my fill already_, Rinoa thought to herself.

"Well, I think that's it," Cid said, once again facing Rinoa, "As for your duties as Edea's bodyguard, it's quite lax. I would just like you to escort her if she needs to leave the Garden for any reason. If anything else comes up, I will let you know. Dismissed," he finished with a wink.

Rinoa stood, gave her salute and then made her way out of his office.

The artificial light and moist heat of the training center beckoned to Squall like the arms of a mother to an anxious child. This was his place; sometimes he spent hours there felling Grat after Grat. At times he wished that he had more competition, but inviting someone else to train would ruin the secrecy of his ritual.

Today was no different. He was alone, besides the monsters. That's how he preferred it. Most days he came here to avoid thinking, but this morning he was finding that a difficult feat, Rinoa kept intruding.

She hadn't shown up last night. He wasn't sure what that meant. Was she angry? Sad? Did she even care? Should he? Did he?

He wasn't really sure how any of this worked. _They should make a manual for this._ He wasn't even quite sure how he felt. There were times when he couldn't wait to see her again, but then when he got the chance he felt cold and indifferent. No matter how close they seemed, to him they always seemed miles apart. But that was the only way he knew to stay safe. If he let her in and she left, it would destroy him. He knew that was the truth, but he wasn't sure if he cared enough to take the risk.

Quistis sat at her desk staring out at the empty classroom. It was her prep hour. She thought about getting some lunch, but she didn't want to have to deal with the others in the cafeteria. Besides she didn't have much of an appetite lately anyways. It was just easier to sit and enjoy the silence of the vacant room. _Enjoy?_ She wasn't sure that was the proper word choice.

She moved toward a stack of papers that needed grading. _There's nothing better to do…_ she thought.

Only four or five papers were in the finished pile when there was a soft knock at her door. Before she could answer the door opened. Edea stepped into the room. Her long black hair was loose, covering her back and her elaborate outfit was replaced with one of her old plain gray dresses. She stood staring at Quistis, with a look of motherly concern.

"Well aren't you going to go to lunch, Quistis?" she asked curiously.

"I'm not hungry," Quistis replied.

"Well I am, and I don't want to go alone. Will you come accompany me?" Edea asked, though Quistis doubted she actually had a choice in the matter.

"I have papers that need grading," was her reply.

"Oh, phoey. You can grade papers anytime. I would like to spend some time with you, Quistis. We haven't talked in a long time. Please indulge and old lady."

With a sigh, Quistis rose to her feet. "Very well, but I only have an hour before my next class."

"An hour together would be lovely," she replied.

The sun was already blaring down with intensity and it was barely even noon. It was going to be hot. Selphie hardly noticed. She was preoccupied with making sure no one she knew was around.

She shouldered her bag and slid her sunglasses over her eyes. It was time she decided. _Time for a change._ Her blue sundress blew gently in the breeze as she flashed her ticket to the man standing outside the train. Breathing deeply she boarded the train. She wasn't sure yet, if she would be back. In that moment it didn't matter, all that mattered was she was doing something, she was making a change in her life.

She didn't even look back as the train sped out of Balamb.


	14. Let Me Leave the Light On

Hello Fans and Readers alike ^_^ Sorry for the long wait between updates! I was without internet… and I don't really have consistent internet for a while but I have two new chapters for you and the next chapter is almost done! Anyways I hope you like ^_^

* * *

Rinoa left Cid's office in a haze of unsettling thoughts. Words of guilt buzzed around in her brain and confusion dominated. She barely registered entering the elevator.

The bell sounded announcing the arrival of the lift. The doors sung open and Rinoa exited still lost in thought. After a few steps she was rocked out of her worries.

Rinoa blinked as she realized she was not on the first floor as she had assumed but instead on the second. A young female cadet was on the floor glaring up at her.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" Rinoa exclaimed, extending her hand to the cadet with an apologetic smile. "I wasn't paying attention." The girl continued to glare as she picked herself up off the ground, refusing to take Rinoa's hand. _Hyne it was accident, _Rinoa thought as her smile faded and she let her hand fall back to her side. "Um well again I'm sorry about that. You're okay right?"

With a sneer the girl finally responded, "Don't talk to me witch." Rinoa's face fell. The cadet gave her one last glare and stalked off toward the elevator.

* * *

"Quistis I'm worried about you," Edea announced before taking a bite out of her sandwich. "Cid has told me that you've fallen behind on your teaching units and that some of your students have even complained. That's not like you, darling. You are the students favorite teacher."

Sighing, Quistis shuffled her food around on her plate. This speech was getting old; it was the same one she'd heard from Cid.

"You can talk to me. I want to be here for you, but I can't if you don't ever tell me what's bothering you." Edea sat her sandwich down and stared at Quistis for a long moment. "Well?"

"I'm just having a bit of a slump that's all," she answered lifting her head to meet Edea's gaze, "No need to worry."

"But I am worried, and I'm not the only one. We can't help if we don't know what's wrong."

Quistis peered into Edea's eyes. If only it were that easy. What she wouldn't give to spill out all her pain and insecurities, to finally confine her issues in someone, but as much as she wanted to she couldn't bring herself to admit her mistakes out loud. But she could try. "I—"

"THE HELL?!" Zell's voice shattered the calm of the cafeteria.

"Ahh chicken wuss! You've come to welcome us back! Have to admit you're the last person I expected to be on our welcome committee," a familiar voice responded.

"YOU- YOU. YOU!" Zell screamed. Edea, Quistis and the rest of the cafeteria turned to find the source of the commotion. Zell was visibly shaking with anger and his face was a dark red. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?" he bellowed jabbing his finger towards a smirking Seifer. Fujian and Raijin stood behind him as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening.

"Hey come down chicken boy. We were invited," Seifer replied coolly, "Now if you don't mind we'd like to get something for diner." He snapped his finger and the three of them turned back to the food line.

"You think I'm gonna let you eat here?!" Zell demanded advancing toward Seifer.

"Zell! That's quite enough," Quistis called out, as she strode toward them. "Seifer, Raijin and Fujian are under the protection of Garden as well as Matron. They should be treated as any other cadets."

"But Quistis, he--,"

"No buts Zell. If you have a problem take it up with Headmaster Cid."

"Understood," Zell replied hanging his head.

"Why thank you professor," Seifer said to Quistis. Zell shot him a glare.

"And you three should act accordingly," Quistis answered staring at Seifer.

He gave her a boyish grin as she walked back toward Edea. "Of course, professor."

When Quistis returned to the table she glanced at the clock. "I'm sorry Matron, I have to get back to my classroom. My next class starts in ten minutes."

"All right," Edea replied with a tender smile, "Let's talk again soon." Quistis gave her a quick nervous glance and then headed toward her classroom.

* * *

He hadn't the slightest idea why she would be up in one of the empty classrooms other than perhaps she really was trying her hardest to avoid him, but he had to check just in case. She wasn't anywhere on the first floor, not even her room. She had to be somewhere, right?

Irvine had been through this before, but never on this side and suddenly he now had a deep sympathy for all the hearts he had broken before. It really hurt. It was right there in his chest like something was squeezing his heart, squeezing the life out of him. As much as he wanted to find her, a part of him wanted to run the other way, because he knew it was over. He could explain how he knew exactly, he just did and it felt like the knowledge was killing him.

He opened the door to the last empty classroom in the hall. The sound of a woman's sobs came from the open doorway. _Could she be crying?_ "Selphie?" he called out tentatively.

"Irvine?" a strained voice called out, but it wasn't Selphie's.

"Rinoa? What are you doing in here, and why are you crying?" Irvine called into the dark room. "Hold on I'm gonna turn on a light."

"No please don't," Rinoa pleaded softly, "I don't want you to see me…"

"Okay," Irvine replied making his way into the room and closing the door behind him. The room was very dim, but he made his way over to where Rinoa was slumped on the floor. "What's wrong, Rin, why are you crying?" he asked sliding down next to her.

She didn't answer for a long while, but Irvine sat beside her waiting until she was ready to talk. He stared straight forward into the dimly lit classroom, listening to her soft sobs. He wondered if he should hug her, or say anything else, then finally she spoke. "I don't belong here. I keep trying and trying to fit in but I just don't. I don't fit in anywhere. People think I'm a monster. It's not even that… that's just an excuse. I've never belonged…" her voice trailed off as another round of tears over came her.

"What?" Irvine asked surprised by her outburst. When she only continued to cry he turned toward her, reaching out and grabbing her shoulders forcing her to look at him. It was dark so he could hardly see her features but he looked straight into her eyes. She looked away. "Hey, look at me, Rin," slowly she met his gaze. He found himself angered by the shame in her eyes. "Where is this coming from? What happened? You know you belong here! With all of us, with Squall…" At the mention of Squall her eyes squeezed shut and she inhaled sharply as if his very name caused her pain. "Is this what it's about? Did he say something mean? He is Squall you know, he doesn't mean it, he just doesn't know how to act especially towards people he cares about."

"It's- it's not just that," she replied with a sniffle, "No- no one wants me here. They hate me for what I am. They are scared of the Sorceress.

Irvine sighed. How was he supposed to know what to say to that? "That's not true, Rin. I want you here and so do Squall, Zell, Quistis and Selphie. We're your friends, Rin and we don't care that you're a Sorceress."

"Ha! If we're all friends then why are Quistis and Selphie avoiding me like the plague? And Squall…"

"I don't know what's going on with you and Squall, as hard as it is you gotta talk to him about that. But as for Quistis and Selphie, well they both have a lot on their plates right now. I'm sure they're not avoiding you."

Silence prevailed again. Finally Rinoa spoke, she was no longer crying but her voice was filled with distress, "I accidently ran into a girl in the hallway. She called me a witch. She hated me, and she's not the only one. I can feel them glare at me when I walk down the halls, hear them whisper behind my back. They fear me; they hate me. I don't belong. I thought I could do it, with my friends here, with Squall…" She dissolved into tears once more.

"Come here," Irvine whispered pulling Rinoa into a hug, "Listen I know we've all kind of been stuck in our own little worlds, but we are here for you, Rin. We still care about you and all those idiots who hate you and don't even know you, they don't deserve to know you. Right?! So you don't need to waste your time crying over them."

Rinoa pulled away and looked at Irvine with the slightest hint of a smile. "Thank you," she whispered. After a moment she wiped her face on her sleeve and got to her feet, "I've got to go find Squall. I'll talk to you later Irvine. Thanks for… everything."

"Hey what are friends for?" he replied standing up. "Good luck with Squall. I've got to find Selphie."

Rinoa nodded and they left the room both with a feeling of finding a shred of light in a world of dark.


	15. Beginning's End

After Rinoa left the empty classroom she had resolved to find Squall but after looking around for over a half an hour she decided to just wait for him in his room. She stopped by her own room first to change her clothes. Talking with Irvine had given her the push she needed to take things into her own hands, at least what she could. She pulled her infamous white dress out of her closet. It was time for her and Squall to discuss their relationship and hopefully things would turn out the way she wanted, but putting on a skimpy dress couldn't hurt.

Rinoa looked at herself in the mirror. She smiled at her reflection. _Looking good, _she thought.

The wait for Squall was longer than she thought it would be. She sat in the middle of his bed with her legs crossed. Sighing she fell backwards onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. Perhaps he wasn't coming back tonight. Only then did she realize she didn't even know where he was or what he was doing. He could be on a mission for all she knew. She was about to go back to her room when the door opened. She lay still and listened. It didn't seem as if he had realized she was there yet.

She heard a small thud, which she assumed was Squall setting his gunblade down, then a few steps. She wished he would hurry up; she was still holding her breath. The squeak of the shower faucet suddenly echoed through the room. He hadn't even noticed her. Instead he went straight for the shower and apparently left the bathroom door open.

Rinoa released her breath and sat up. She had no idea how long a shower he would take, but she might as well sit up to greet him when he got out. The wait wasn't long; soon she heard the sound of the shower stop. It was about then that she realized Squall hadn't taken any clothes in the bathroom with him.

"Rinoa?! Shit!" Rinoa turned just in time to see a startled Squall, clothed only in a towel, slam the bathroom door closed. Unsure of what to do, Rinoa got to her feet. She was full of nervous energy.

The bathroom door opened a crack. "Uhh… Rinoa could you hand me my clothes please?" Squall asked timidly, though Rinoa thought she detected a darker edge to his voice. _Is he angry?_

"Sure," Rinoa's voice seemed to have slipped up an octave. "W-where are they?"

"In the drawer," he replied attempting to keep the annoyance from his voice.

Rinoa rushed to the drawer, pulled out a plain white t-shirt and a pair of dark denims and then held them toward the bathroom door. Squall grabbed them then shut the door. Rinoa returned to the bed to wait. Her heart was racing, but she was resigned to do what she came to do.

The bathroom door swung open, interrupting her thoughts. She looked up and smiled at Squall. He didn't smile back but his expression softened. She'd take what she could get.

He looked away unable to hold her gaze any longer, but the fact that he had made eye contact was a good sign in itself. "What are you doing here?" he asked. That was just like him, gruff and to the point.

_Here we go._ "Well I was thinking," she started getting to her feet and slowly making her way closer, "that tonight we should celebrate." She continued to inch closer.

Squall shuffled his feet nervously, looking confused. "What are we celebrating?"

"Last night was the first night that I slept all the way through without any nightmares," Rinoa chimed proudly. "Feels like a reason to celebrate to me," she continued with a sly smile, "And we haven't been able to go out yet," she finished grabbing his hands and leaning into him.

Squall stiffened. "I'm kind of tired. It's been a long day."

"Well we could stay in…" she responded suggestively leaning in closer and closer. Squall looked down at her unsure of what was happening. She was getting a little to close. Rinoa met his gaze with a strange glint in her eyes, but she was smiling. "To be honest, I think I'd rather stay in," she whispered, then she closed the gap between them landing her lips on his.

Squall didn't move. He didn't know what to do. This was the first real contact between them since that awkward kiss on the balcony. Rinoa pressed into him, pushing his lips apart with the tip of her tongue. Was this what he wanted? There was no doubt it was what she wanted but…

Squall broke away from the kiss and gently pushed Rinoa back. "I- I can't do this right now," he mumbled avoiding her gaze and moving across the room back to the bed.

Rinoa's heart sank. The glint in her eyes was extinguished. "O- okay," she stuttered. After an awkward silent pause she walked over and joined Squall on the bed.

"Squall, I—"

"Rin, I don't think I can do this," Squall interrupted her. His voice was quite but certain. He knew this was going to hurt her, but things were happening to fast for him. Things had always been going to fast with her, and he wasn't even sure how he felt or if he could feel… "I don't think I can be what you need."

She was trying so hard not to cry. Her voice cracked as she responded, "I need you…"

Squall sighed and put his head in his hands. "Rinoa I'm sorry. I do care about you and I am still your friend, but I can't be this for you. I just can't. I don't… I don't think I feel the same way you do."

That did it. She couldn't hold the tears back after those words. The tears rolled down and she struggled to breath. It felt like there were weights on her chest.

Squall squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to make her cry. The sounds of her sobs made his heart wrench. Opening his eyes he pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry, Rin," he whispered patting her hair. "I still care. I hope we can still be friends."

Somewhere in the back of her mind Rinoa was stunned to hear Squall talk so openly about a relationship, any type, even if it wasn't the type she wanted. She knew in her heart that his confession of friendship was genuine. She also knew how truly amazing it was that Squall had found the courage to deal with his feelings especially when the contrasted so much with what was expected of him.

He held her close as she sobbed into his chest. But the more she thought about it the harder she sobbed. She was finally in his arms, but they weren't the arms of a lover… He was trying to be a good friend…

"I- I can't… I have to go," she cried getting up and hurrying out of the room. Squall didn't move to stop her. She needed to go, she needed space and honestly he would welcome space as well. He truly meant what he'd said. He did care deeply for her; he just didn't feel… what was it he didn't feel? Perhaps the problem wasn't that he didn't feel it, perhaps the problem was he didn't know how.


	16. Anxious Observer

If anyone would have asked he would have told them he was waiting to torture chicken-wuss or perhaps waiting for Fujian and Raijin. The truth was that he was waiting for Rinoa. In all honesty he figured she wouldn't want to talk to him or even look at him, but if he could just see her again… He was whipped and he knew it. He was quite aware of how pathetic he was, but he didn't seem to care in the least. As long as she was happy, which happened to be the real reason he was positioned precariously in view of both Rinoa and Squall's rooms.

He'd heard the talk around Garden. Rumors mostly but there were so many he didn't know what to think. Squall pays Rinoa to sleep with him. Rinoa has Squall under an enchantment. They have crazy wild sex that echoes through the whole dormitory. Rinoa was Squall's cover and he was actually in love with Irvine. Most of the stories were so ridiculously far fetched that Seifer was actually surprised that some of the local idiots bought them. Regardless, he had to see for himself if she was happy. So he took up temporary residence against the hall wall in perfect view of both their rooms. He was silently thankful that he had yet to hear the supposed wild crazy sex…

Seifer sighed and slouched further down the wall. _What the hell am I doing here?_ He'd been there an hour and he was sure rumors were now spreading like wildfire to try to explain the reason he'd been standing outside Squall and Rinoa's rooms for so long. But every time he turned to leave he found he couldn't. He would take one step before some unknown voice in the back of his head would stop him and he'd wind up right back in the same spot, his eyes wandering the empty hallway.

And so the minutes passed until finally Seifer heard the click of a door opening. It was the door to Squall's room. He held his breath as Rinoa rushed out from behind the door. He moved to approach her. She hadn't yet noticed him, but as she hurried across the hall Seifer froze. She was crying, and he knew her well enough to know she was holding back from an all out sobbing fit.

It only took her about fifteen seconds to flee into her room and slam the door behind her, leaving Seifer standing alone staring at her door. He wanted to storm into her room, take her in his arms like he use to and stop her tears. It took all of his will power to stop himself from doing just that. It was his nature to take the straightforward approach and to play the hero. Rinoa was his damsel in distress, unfortunately for him, he was probably the last person she would want to come to her rescue. For all he knew she was crying because of him. Had she told Squall about their 'meeting'? Was he angry? Did he take it out on her? That didn't really sound like Squall, he didn't really get angry more like indifferent. He probably just used the incident as an excuse to push her away. Either way it would have hurt her.

"Shit!" Seifer cursed, kicking the wall. He couldn't just burst into her room, no matter how much he wanted too. He had to pick his moments if he wanted any chance at all with Rinoa, but still he couldn't just leave her all alone to cry by herself. Rinoa needed people. She needed to be assured of affection and if Squall had just denied her of that then she needed it more than usual. It killed him to know he couldn't be the one to give it to her.

He needed to find someone who could go talk her through it and show her that someone cared. Inhaling sharply, he turned and headed away from the dorms. He needed to send in one of her friends, but first he had to find one.

* * *

Irvine let his tray drop down onto the table haphazardly and slumped into a chair. He was done searching for Selphie. Obviously she didn't want to be found and he'd had enough. Yes he loved her but he couldn't handle this avoidant-detached attitude of hers. They were hardly together and when they were she barely spoke. She wasn't happy and he had tried everything he could think of to change that, but he had run out of ideas and patience. It hurt like hell but he had given it his all and had no regrets.

He sat and stared at his food trying not to think. Exhaustion was setting in and he wasn't even sure he wanted to eat anything. He was about to get up and leave when Zell flopped down in the seat across from him. Irvine looked up at his new companion waiting for a response. He didn't want to start the conversation. He couldn't think of anything to talk about, well anything he wanted to talk about anyways.

"Did you know Seifer and his posse are back?" Zell asked between clenched teeth. Irvine wouldn't be surprised if he were holding himself back from releasing some of his martial arts on the innocent cafeteria furniture.

"No I didn't," he answered, thankful for a topic that had nothing to do with relationships, especially his.

"I can't believe they let those idiots back in!" he shouted, slamming the table with his fists.

Irvine didn't waste his breath telling Zell to calm down. That was just the way Zell worked and there was no controlling his temper. It was best to let his anger run its course. "Do Squall and Rinoa know?"

"I don't know. But seriously why did they let them back in here? After what they did?!"

Irvine ignored his friend's anger flare and calmly responded, "They let Rinoa back and Edea too. If they aren't guilty than neither is Seifer."

Zell glared at Irvine for a moment grappling for a response that would support his own opinion, but he knew his friend was right even if he didn't like it. "Well I still don't trust them," he replied leaning back in his chair. Most of the anger had drained out of his voice. That was Zell; his anger burnt intense as a flame but died down quick.

Despite himself, a little smile formed on Irvine's face. Nothing like Zell's erratic mood swings to make you forget your own problems.

"So whare ich Selfee?" Zell asked after shoving half a hot dog in his mouth.

There it was the topic he'd been dreading. His heart skipped a beat. "Don't talk with your mouthful. It's unattractive. You'll disgust the ladies," he replied avoiding the subject.

"Ah ah yur so fuh nee!"

Irvine rolled his eyes, tipped his chair back on two legs and slanted his hat over his eyes while Zell continued his version of eating.

"I think I'm gonna go get some more," Zell announced when he had finished what was on his tray. Irvine shifted his hat back to it's normal position and waved to Zell in acknowledgement.

Zell stood up and was promptly shoved back into his chair. "Sit back down," Seifer commanded gruffly.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Zell screamed trying to regain his sense of balance while swinging in the direction of the push.

"I said sit back down," Seifer repeated.

Irvine brought his chair back down on all four legs and cut Zell off before he could start yelling again, "Don't start something Seifer."

"No one's starting anything. Unless chicken-wuss over here is going to start another scene," Seifer said taking a seat and glaring in Zell's direction. Zell was too angry to interrupt verbally or physically though both Irvine and Seifer knew it would be a brief relief. Seifer continued on through gritted teeth, "I need your help."

Zell an Irvine stared in astonishment. Zell's jaw had actually dropped. "You need our help?" Irvine repeated back to him skeptically.

Seifer clamped his eyes shut and breathed in deeply. "Yes," he begrudgingly replied.

Zell broke out in a fit of laughter. "You – need – our – help?!!?!!!!" he asked rhetorically between spasms of laughter.

"Yes," he barked. "A mutual friend of ours needs help." Seifer chose his words wisely, tip toeing the subject.

"So why don't _you_ help them?" Zell asked with a snort of disdain.

"I can't. Obviously dumb-ass," Seifer burst out angrily.

Zell was about to start yelling back but once again Irvine cut him off. "Who is it?"

With another quick inhale Seifer answered, "Rinoa."

* * *

The sun shined down warm and inviting. It was as if the heavens were smiling at her. Selphie stood at the top of the path leading down to her new home, a small cottage on the edge of Dollet. The pathway was surrounded by trees, leaving it shady and cool. The waves of the ocean could be heard crashing on the shore.

She couldn't be sure for certain that this was truly what she wanted. It wasn't fair to have to make such a decision so suddenly but a simple look around told her she liked it much more than where she had been. A pleasant breeze wrapped around her like a personal greeting. For the first time she could remember in so long Selphie felt relaxed.

The words to describe the pleasantries of tranquility and freedom were well under used and so she struggled to define the feelings that were inspired by standing at the top of the path. Something that had eluded her for so long was now hovering within reach, brushing the tips of her fingers and tingling on her lips. The true romance of life was hers once more to enjoy and even squander as she pleased. Gone where the confines of orders and expectations, of fear and anxiety. In their place these new feelings of elation and delight mixed with the deep feelings of loneliness and longing that had began to grow within her heart.

And so with a deep breath and an intrigued smile she started down the path to her new home, attempting to forget the one she had left behind.


	17. Through the Darkness

Rinoa had collapsed into tears the moment the door had shut behind her. She wasn't sure how she could feel so numb and yet at the same time feel such a horrendous pain in her chest. There wasn't enough air. She curled into a ball on the floor, heaving through the tears. The one saving grace was that the pain she was feeling was rendering her incapable of moving. If she had any energy left after fighting the darkness that was rapidly surrounding her, it most likely would have manifested in some sort of uncontrollable magical destruction as it usually did when her emotions got the best of her.

It was late, but not too late at least she hoped. A few of the SeeDs were meandering their ways towards their rooms. Few took advantage of their extended curfew. Sleep was a welcomed friend to warriors. It was nearly midnight but Quistis wasn't sure when Matron usually went to sleep. _You can talk to me anytime_, the words echoed in her mind. _ I hope half past eleven is included,_ she silently worried.

All evening she had wondered, if Zell hadn't interrupted would she have told Matron everything? Anything? It kept her awake. She had been so close to letting it all spill out. She knew that holding it in wasn't healthy. Tormenting herself wasn't healthy. Even though she believed happiness was out of reach, perhaps okay wasn't. Something had to change, and for the first time in a long time she felt like she could take a step forward, just a little one.

She stopped in front of Matron's door and heaved a heavy sigh, burdened with all her embarrassment and fear. Slowly, deliberately she raised her hand to knock on the door.

A knock on the door pulled her out of her depressed stupor. She had no idea how long she had been on the floor. She had lost all sense of time in the dark abyss of heartache. The knock continued, growing in its volume and urgency. Its angry echoes swayed her decision to get up and address it.

She rose to her feet, shaking slightly. The mirror caught her reflection. The red rings around her eyes starkly contrasted the paleness of her skin. The knock sounded again breaking her concentration. Slowly she moved to the door, wondering vaguely if the shaking was a result of her profound emotions or the magic she was suppressing.

"Rinoa?" She opened the door silently, revealing Zell and Irvine. Their expressions were ones of worry, which only deepened at the sight of her. She could only imagine the fragile, hollow mess they were seeing. _No I'm not fragile… I'm… I could be… a monster…_ she shuddered at the thought but the magic was right there brewing under the surface, looking for away to overcome her in her brittle state. She marveled at how easily it switched. In her state of happiness, it longed to heal, to support, to help. Now mimicking her sorrow it longed to destroy, maim, hurt.

A wave of self-disgust washed through her and she felt herself sliding away from the doorframe. "Rinoa!" someone screamed, but she was already gone.

"Quistis?! Is something wrong?" Edea asked frightened.

She lifted her eyes to meet her beloved Matron's. "No, Matron," her voice shrouded with timidness, "Can I come in?"

The older woman smiled sweetly, "Of course."

Tears welled in Quistis' eyes. She was the closest thing to a mother she had ever known, and she acted accordingly. Every gesture, every movement was filled with tenderness and love. Every word was drenched in acceptance and understanding. If she could trust no one else, she could trust this woman. Sorceresses be damned.

"I remember, when I was little and I had some sort of problem, any perceived injustice, you would allow me to come and snuggle with you after all the other children were sleeping, because I was older and I shouldn't have needed to be coddled… but you knew I needed it. You always knew…" Quistis whispered walking into the room and seating herself on the edge of the bed. "Even now you know."

Edea moved to sit beside her, "Are you ready then?"

Quistis nodded, squeezing her eyes shut in an attempt to keep the tears from falling. As the silence pressed against them, she opened her eyes with a sharp sigh. "I- I am in love with him. But I lied, and I can't take it back, because if I do…" She broke off, shaking slightly.

"If you do then what?" Edea asked kindly, sliding her arm around Quistis. She slid her head onto her shoulder. When she didn't answer, Edea continued, "Are you worried they'll hate you for lying? Or for how you feel?"

"I- I don't know!" She cried, the tears breaking through her attempts to suppress them. She sobbed passionately into Edea's shoulder.

"Darling," Edea began, patting her head tenderly, "No one can control love. Many try but eventually they fail. For anything to change you must embrace how you feel, face it head on and then perhaps you can find which way to go, but if you never face it then you will be a slave to it, always running." Quistis lifted her head to look at Edea as she spoke. "Your friends will understand. They will love and support you, but you have to give them the chance."

Slowly Quistis pulled away from Edea. She smiled weakly and nodded. "You're right," she agreed stifling a sniffle.

Edea smiled knowingly. "Tell them when you are ready, but be resolved to tell them."

She nodded again. Closing her eyes she whispered, "Thank you."

Edea pulled her into a tender hug, "If you need me, I'll be here for you Quisty. Now you should go get some sleep. Tomorrow will be the first day toward happiness."

Quistis rose to her feet. "Good night matron," she replied with a genuine smile. Edea smiled back in encouragement as Quistis made her way out to the hall. She continued on toward her room feeling a kind of serenity should could barely even remember.

* * *

Sorry that took so long everyone!! My summer was insanely busy and I've been working on my own story and my fan fics kind of got pushed to the side... urgg Sorry fans!!! I am going to finish this story I assure you! Even if it takes me a year or two... Anyways if you are interested I am starting to post my own story on Fiction Press. I have the same pen name. The story is called Concrete Angel.

Once again sorry for the long wait and thank you for your commitment!!! Hopefully there will be shorter waits now that I've got a normal schedule and reliable internet again!


	18. Learning Control

When Rinoa came to she was lying on her bed. Zell and Irvine were in a heated, whispered battle.

"We should take her to the infirmary!" Zell shouted unable to control the volume of his voice any longer due to his perceived urgency.

"No. She's not sick. She's just upset. Taking her to the infirmary would just upset her more," Irvine whispered back firmly.

Rinoa felt a pang of appreciation. Thank Hyne, Irvine understood. A trip to the infirmary was the last thing she wanted. The power inside her was still urging to hurt, to destroy… She wanted to stay away from people, out of the center of attention.

Zell sucked in a very audible breath, probably readying to argue back again. Rinoa forced her eyes open and pulled herself up to cut off his argument before it could even start.

"You're awake!" Irvine exclaimed, forgetting the pretense of quite.

"Yes, I'm up," Rinoa answered grimly. Then turning to Zell she added, "And I'm staying right here."

"But Rin, you fainted! You should go get checked out, just in case…"

Rinoa could no longer hear what Zell was saying. All she could process was that he was disagreeing with her. He wanted the opposite of what she wanted… Rage like she had never known filled her chest, burning red hot. She could feel the heat course through her, from her core, through her veins and into her hands. Before she realized what she was doing, her hands were extended toward Zell, the red, raw power tingling in her fingers.

"ZELL SHUT UP!" Irvine shouted, throwing himself on top of Rinoa. Zell was shocked into silence by Irvine's sudden tackle of Rinoa, but it didn't last long.

"What the hell?!" he shrieked, as Irvine slowly pulled himself off Rinoa.

Guilt and pain washed over her as she began to realize what she had nearly done. The burning red sensation receded and tears once again began rolling down her face. "Rinoa? Are you in control now?" Irvine asked bringing his hand to rest hesitantly on her arm.

She gave him a heart wrenched look, filled with disgust and self-loathing. Suddenly she cringed away from his touch, shifting to the far side of her bed. Her face fell to her hands as she began to sob uncontrollably. "I'm—so-- sorry—Zell. God I'm a monster," she moaned between fits of heavy tears.

Zell stood at the end of the bed, stunned. He couldn't think of anything to say. Well anything that he should say. Irvine silently thanked Hyne that he decided for once to keep his commentary to himself.

Irvine sat back down on the bed, putting his back facing her so that she wouldn't have to face either of them but didn't have to sacrifice the physical contact he knew she needed. He was about to offer her some sort of comforting words but just then Zell's voice broke the silence, his voice uncharacteristically quite. "You aren't a monster," he stated clearly, his voice low and assertive. Irvine shifted his gaze to Zell, noticing that he was glaring intently at the floor with both of his hands clenched at his sides. "I can't believe you believe that. You could never be a monster. Maybe the power inside of you, but not you, never you."

Rinoa stopped crying and turned to look at Zell. Her eyes were still full of tears but she wanted so desperately to believe the words she had just heard. Zell met her gaze. The stayed like that for a long second, intensely staring, until Rinoa finally looked away. "Zell I almost just killed you, and all you did was express worry for me…"

Zell only continued to stare are her. Irvine was surprised by Zell's behavior. He had seen him under pressure many of times but this response seemed very different; then again this was not a situation SeeD were trained for. "No, Rinoa, you aren't a monster. Zell is right. You are still adjusting to your powers. This is the first major emotional conflict outside of a battle that you've had to deal with. You had nothing to focus the power on, it made it more difficult," Irvine assured her. She turned so she was facing both Irvine and Zell. "You still have to get use to this. Next time it won't be quite as hard. And of course, we are here for you."

Tears filled her eyes again, this time out of appreciation. "Thank you… thank you both so much. You have no idea what you mean to me, or how sorry I am," she gushed. Then she flung herself into Irvine's arms. Irvine hugged her, a little uneasy at the speed of her mood swings. She pulled away to motion to Zell. "Zell please come sit down with us," she pleaded. Zell moved toward the bed cautiously. Rinoa grabbed his hands, pulling him into a hearty squeeze. Zell hugged her back, loosing his cautious air.

"Feeling a bit better now, Rin?" Irvine asked once she had released Zell.

She nodded, smiling weakly. "News sure travels fast, doesn't it?" she asked. "I suppose by now all of Garden knows."

Irvine and Zell decided not to respond to the comment and Rinoa let it go. "Maybe you should try to get some sleep now, Rin." Irvine offered. Rinoa looked off towards the wall, gnawing on her lip. "Do you need us to stay?" She returned her gaze with a look of concern on her face. She wanted them to stay, but was that asking too much?

"It's okay if you do, Rin," Zell added. "Completely understandable. We'll just crash on the floor with Anglo."

Rinoa smiled slightly and nodded her agreement. "Thanks guys… for going to all this trouble for me," As and afterthought she added, "But Anglo can sleep with me on the bed, since I so rudely forgot about her throughout this ordeal."

Anglo, who had been patiently observing the exchanges between her human and the others, moved from her bed in the corner and made a straight line to Rinoa's bed. "Heh. Smart dog," Zell commented.

Rinoa greeted her with a pat on the head. "There are extra blankets in the closet."

"Got it," Irvine replied getting up from the bed and heading for the closet.

"Thanks again, guys," Rinoa whispered falling back against her pillow, exhausted. She closed her eyes and she was asleep.


	19. All You Want

Somewhere off in the distance a bell rang. In response Quistis rolled over and faced the window with a welcoming smile. Sunlight was streaming in and the temperature was perfect. For once she felt like she could sleep peacefully through the day. The bell rang again and she sat up with a jolt. She spun around quickly to check her clock. The green digits read seven forty five. "Shit," she uttered, though it sounded far from angry. Her first class started in five minutes.

She jumped out of bed and headed to her closet, stopping for the briefest of moments to glance out the window onto the sunny grounds of Balamb Garden. Grabbing the nearest set of clean clothes she opted out of taking a shower. There wasn't time.

With two minutes to spare she left for her classroom hoping she hadn't left anything vital in her room and slamming the door shut behind her. She hurried through the halls, breaking out into a light jog and when she passed one of the many HD screens that included the time in large block letters she broke out into an all out sprint. To her surprise she was actually sort of enjoying herself as she ran past students and fellow staff members alike. Many of them had to throw themselves out of her way. By the time she reached her classroom she was laughing energetically. She walked into the classroom still laughing to face her confused class.

Throwing her folder down on her desk and trying to contain some of her laughter she looked over her class. Some were joining her in laughing, others just stared down in confusion, and while still others looked as if they were worried professor Trepe had finally cracked.

She raised her right hand to signal silence. A hush swiftly fell over the classroom. Many of the students probably just wanted to know what was so funny. Suddenly Quistis was very happy that Seifer was no longer in her class. If he were here she wondered if she would ever have been able to restore order. "I'm sorry I'm late class," Quistis announced, picking up her folder from her desk. "Today we are going over the pros and cons of junctioning under extreme conditions," she continued. A small red headed boy in the back of the room caught her eye as he waved his hand in an attempt to get her attention. "Yes, James?" she asked.

"Professor, we were just wondering," he started, taking a second to scan his classmates, "what was so funny?"

Quistis tossed her folder back on her desk and leaned back, supporting herself on the desk. "You know. I'm really not even sure," she mused aloud. "Perhaps just life in general."

Her students met her gaze with mixed reactions. Some seemed to agree with her and smiled back cheerily. Others just seemed utterly confused by their professor sudden behavior change. A few just appeared to be bored.

Quistis smiled serenely at her students for another moment before addressing them again, "Well let's get started, shall we?"

Squall rubbed his forehead slowly, methodically. He didn't sleep well. He'd been up most of the night worrying about Rinoa and his decision. What he had seemed so sure of last night he was now second-guessing, perhaps not his decision itself but the timing. Maybe he should have waited for a better moment instead of striking in a situation where Rinoa had put herself out there so completely.

For a moment he envied her, at least she knew what she wanted. He on the other hand was possibly more confused than ever. He let out a deep sigh and fell back onto the bed. He wondered if he should check on her or if that would make things worse. For what must have been the millionth time in the past few months, Squall wished that there was a manual for this kind of thing.

Irvine awoke to the sound of Zell's obnoxious snoring. Irritated, he rolled as far away from Zell as he the space would permit. After a particularly loud erupt from Zell, he jabbed him in the ribs. Zell only snored louder in response.

_You got to be kidding._ Irvine thought to himself as he sat up. He surveyed the remaining floor space looking for a way to move away from Zell without tripping over him in the process. He grimaced when he noticed that Zell was sprawled out at much as possible with both of their blankets. _Well that would explain why it was cold._ Irvine noted.

He sighed preparing to fall back onto his pillow when something caught his eye. Rinoa was sitting straight up on her bed squeezing Angelo to herself tightly. Irvine hesitated, unsure if she was crying or even truly awake.

Suddenly she let out a deep breath and allowed her grip on Angelo to slackened. The dog licked her hand and then slipped off the bed, ignoring Zell and heading to her food dish. Rinoa turned to take in the room and smiled when her eyes met Irvine's.

Irvine smiled back, not really sure what Rinoa's condition was at the moment. "Good morning," he greeted her, not bothering to keep his voice down. Nothing else had woken Zell yet anyways.

"Good morning," she replied somewhat cheerfully, stretching her arms over her head and slipping back onto her pillow.

_She seems well enough_. Irvine thought to himself.

"Let's go to breakfast!" Rinoa exclaimed jolting back up. "I'm sure Angelo would like to go outside too."

Irvine nodded as he reached for his hat. He wasn't quite convinced that Rinoa was completely fine. It would probably be better if she wasn't left alone today. "What about him?" Irvine asked poking Zell in the ribs again. It didn't seem to have any effect.

"Leave him I guess," Rinoa answered with a shrug. She slipped off the far side of her bed and moved toward her dresser. "Um, I'm going to change my clothes first."

"Okay," Irvine replied. She grabbed some clothes and made her way toward the bathroom, careful not to step on Zell. Irvine put his hand on his neck and sighed. "Hey Rin?" She turned to look at him. "How are you doin'?"

She flinched slightly, then rearranged her face into a smile. "I'm doing okay, Irvine," then as an after thought, "Please don't worry. I'll be fine, I have to be."

Before he could think up a response the bathroom door clicked close leaving them on opposite sides. He got to his feet and gave Zell one last poke with his toe.

It didn't take long for Selphie to unpack her meager belongings and find them spots in their new home. She had accumulated a few mementos since the beginning of her time at Garden: a few posters from bands she'd seen in Trabia, a stuffed Mesmerize doll a boy had given her when she was young, a small but impressive collection of books, the various copies of Timber Maniacs she had collected during their travels, a miniature tea set from the Shumi village, and a snow globe Laguna had given her during their stay in Esthar. Between the mementos and her wardrobe her new home still seemed painfully empty.

A shopping spree was definitely in order. But first she had more important things to attend to. She wasn't naïve enough to believe that Garden wouldn't eventually catch up with her. They were trained professionals after all. Still it wouldn't hurt to try and slow them down but altering her appearance.

On her way to Dollet she had picked up some hair dye. She had always wondered how she would look with black hair. Her hair had already grown quite a bit longer since most of the public photos of the group had been taken. Hopefully the combination of longer hair and a different color would be enough to keep people from truly recognizing her. She realized now the only way she could live the life she wanted was to stay out of Garden's and the public's eyes.

She took a long look in the mirror, memorizing her reflection. Then she smiled and opened the bottle of dye.


	20. Wreck of the Day

Irvine and Rinoa made as much noise as possible leaving her room, partly to try to wake Zell up and partly to see if they _could_ wake Zell up. They both snickered as they slammed the door shut behind them. "Hyne he can really sleep," Irvine laughed. Rinoa smiled in return but didn't reply.

Her smile faded quickly as they walked silently towards the cafeteria. Soon her walk became a trudge and she seemed to nearly shrink into the wall. Her thoughts were on last night and its repercussions. She worried that Squall might be in the cafeteria. She wasn't sure how she might react to seeing him so soon. She was also worried about the wild gossip that was by now taking Garden by storm. How would people her treat her now, when not even their Commander wanted her around? She shuttered.

"Rin?" Irvine's voice cut through her thoughts and she realized that her fingers had gone icy cold, tingling with the telltale signs of sorceress' magic. Silently she thanked Irvine from interrupting her thoughts. "You gonna be okay? We could go somewhere else for breakfast…"

"No, it's fine," she tried to assure him with a failed attempt at a smile. She was already being enough of a bother to him, he didn't need to go any further out of his way, besides she could do this. She would have to do this. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that leaving Garden without Squall wasn't an option. _I have to work through this. I don't have an option. _

Irvine watched her closely as they continued on towards the cafeteria. Rinoa sighed. It was time to attempt a subject change. "So umm where is Selphie? Not that you aren't being an amazing friend right now, but isn't this stuff usually more in the girl-friends department?"

It was Irvine's turn to cringe. He had successfully avoided the subject of Selphie for the past twenty hours or so but he wasn't sure he could evade Rinoa's question. "I don't know. I think she is hiding from me. I haven't seen her since the night before last." His voice came out so harsh and cold, even he was surprised at the tone of it.

"I'm sorry," Rinoa whispered, realizing that Irvine was in the same situation as her, yet handling it many times better than herself. "You are taking all this time to make sure I'm okay and you are going through the same thing. I didn't even realize… am I really that self-absorbed? I can't even take care of myself, " Rinoa elaborated, the words coming out in a cracking whimpering voice before she even realized what she was saying.

"Hey!" Irvine reprimanded, grabbing her arm and slowing to a stop. "It's not the same. You've got a lot more you are adjusting to, with being a sorceress and all; and it's not like everyone in Garden is waiting around with sympathies for you. This isn't going to be easy, so don't downplay it. I am here cus you need me, so don't worry about me."

Rinoa observed Irvine's stern face for a moment and then nodded. She already felt a little bit more determined. "Thank you, Irvine. I can't tell you what this means to me."

Irvine relaxed a bit, "Hey I'm not the only one, you've got a few of us that care," he said with a wink. "Zell, Selphie, Quistis, even Seifer," he continued as they stared to move toward their destination once more.

_But you are the only one here, _Rinoa thought.

* * *

"Yo, Seifer, why are we still here?" Raijin whined. Seifer just continued to pace along the back wall of the cafeteria, his eyes never wandering too far from the entrance. When Seifer didn't answer Raijin added, "I'm bored, you know."

"IDIOT," Fujin answered for him, aiming a kick at Raijin's ankle.

"Not cool, you know!" he exclaimed jumping out of the way just in time.

"Waiting," Fujin announced, quieter this time.

"Huh? Waiting for who?" Fujin just shook her head and then in a swift, fluid motion she kicked Raijin's feet from underneath him. A couple of cadets turned to look as Raijin crashed to the floor leaving a crack in the tiles on the floor.

"Owww! What the hell Fu?" Raijin asked rubbing his shoulder where it had hit the tiles. Fujin was about to reply when Seifer came to a halt. Raijin straightened up and followed Fujin and Seifer's line of vision to the entrance. Rinoa and the tall red haired guy had just walked in together. Finally it made since. Seifer was waiting to make sure Rinoa was okay.

Fujin was watching Seifer carefully and Seifer was watching Rinoa carefully. She seemed okay. She wasn't laughing but there was a hint of a smile on her face. Perhaps he had underestimated her, perhaps she had grown stronger over the course of the past year or perhaps she had just gotten better at hiding it. He watched as she crossed the room the food line with the redheaded Galbadian. Her movement was graceful and Seifer had to force himself to look away. She was no longer his and as long as she was safe from herself he had no right to interfere.

With one last look, he jerked his head toward the door. "Let's go," he commanded, moving towards the door, Fujin close behind.

"Huh? Already?" Raijin questioned, looking over at Rinoa and trying to see what Seifer and Fujin had seen. Neither Fujin nor Seifer replied and Raijin hurried to follow them out the door.

* * *

The clanging and the thuds that resounded through the muddy training center reverberated in his chest like a sick twisted sort of comfort. The first strike had been anger, the second sadness, the third self-hatred… it went on, each slash an emotional communication to a world he felt isolated from. This was the closes thing to creativity he had ever been taught, a demented dance of death. It went on for an hour, nothing but the sounds of hacking and slashing and the dying sounds of the grats he was disemboweling.

Finally he stopped to survey the damage. He stood in a circle of death, the ring of green goo that was grat blood felt like a fence around him, keeping him in place, keeping his mouth shut. It had been so long that he had felt a true emotion outside of battle. He stared at the now decomposing corpses. They seemed to sink into the ground at a grotesque rate, melting away into nothing. He didn't know why but their gradual disappearance angered him. They were free to disintegrate after battle, while he was forced to trudge onward with an impassive face and a commanding voice.

_Seventeen._ He thought, _Seventeen._ But he felt infinitely older.

* * *

Author's note: Yup still here. Still writing. Life gets in the way sometimes but with a foot and a half of snow outside there doesn't seem to be much else to do besides, write, do homework early and play video games. I just finished re-reading all of Harry Potter again so I may be writing some for that. I already started one. Anyways I will still update this story from time to time. But don't expect promptness and you won't be disappointed :) Thanks for sticking with it for all of you that have.


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